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Struggling with life

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tc121
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Feb 20, 2018 5:23 pm

Struggling with life

Postby tc121 » Tue Feb 20, 2018 5:40 pm

Hi, I'm new to this just joining today and I dont even know what I'm looking for other than somewhere to express my feelings which are beginning to worry me. To people on the outside, I probably appear fortunate. I have a good job, nice car, lovely house, and I know that a lot of people who are depressed struggle financially and I feel fake in saying I'm struggling given financially, I'm fine. That being said, I hate my job, it is incredibly stressful as I work with struggling businesses. My wife also left me 7 months ago which broke me at the time, however I didn't take time off and just put on a brave face, but I think I'm beginning to feel the effects of that rejection and that she cheated for a year, which I feel embarrassed, hurt and angry about. My future no longer looks how I had envisioned. My mother who was my only family has emigrated recently (it was planned before my split and I told her to do it as I didn't want her changing her retirement plans for me as that would make me feel even worse) and I feel so very alone and worthless. I am on medication, but if it's working I would hate to think how I would feel it I weren't on it. My ex is being a bitch, which is crazy given she was the one at fault, and has even called police when I sent an innocent text about mail that had been received. I have no one to talk to and actually think I'm slowly going mad and questioning everything about my life. I have started a new relationship albeit, she lives in New York (I'm in UK) which brings its own stresses. I just feel like I don't know what to do with my life, where it's going, im in my mid forties and the thought of starting over again is overwhelming. I'm so incredibly unhappy and have even started having very dark thoughts which scare me and brought me here. I guess I'm just looking for advice from others who have been through difficult times, how did you cope when you have no-one to turn to. I'm contemplating just giving up my job and moving away which would be financial suicide, but I don't know what else would make me happy and how or when these feelings will fade.i also feel that is just running away from my problems and fear they would not follow me. Any advice would be welcome. Help!!

cmidd
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Feb 20, 2018 10:19 pm

Re: Struggling with life

Postby cmidd » Tue Feb 20, 2018 10:45 pm

Hi there. Don't discount your feelings because of financial worth. Honestly, in my experience and opinion, money means nothing! It's all about how you feel in your head. This is a great place to come and chat though. You will meet lots of people who are in similar situations and understand how you are feeling, and what you might be going through.

I personally went through something similar to you, and was left devastated by a cheating partner. But truthfully, once you get through the hard part, you will see how great life can be. Anyone deserves more than someone who would cheat on them. Don't doubt your own self worth! I recommend branching out socially as much as you can. Say yes to any opportunity to go out, grab life by the horns. You may end up doing weird and wonderful things, that can help you grow. You can meet lots of people, which is great, as you will find people who like you for you.

After being left devastated by a cheating partner, I did not know where to turn, or how to survive. But the truth is, you do survive. And if you deal with it properly, you flourish! I have gone on to fall in love with a gorgeous woman, who I have had a baby with, and cannot think of anything I want more than to spend the rest of my life with her. The positives make the past feel so small, and I genuinely believe everyone can feel that way.

Please feel free to message me, I would love to help in any way I can. Just know that you are not alone. There are always people around who can and will help you.

Good luck!

tc121
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Feb 20, 2018 5:23 pm

Re: Struggling with life

Postby tc121 » Wed Feb 21, 2018 9:50 pm

Thanks cmidd, I appreciate you taking the time to respond. It means a lot.

I'm glad that you have found your happy after a difficult time, and come through stronger and happier than before.

I completely agree with you about money meaning nothing, unfortunately not everyone in society views it that way, and there is a feeling that if you have 'things' you should be grateful so 'stop moaning'. However those 'things' aren't what's important to me. I miss having someone who was there for me, who had my back, even the small things you take for granted like having someone to say goodnight or good morning too. That being said, apparently I didn't have someone who was truly there for me, or had my back. So coming to terms with that lie on top of the current loneliness is difficult. When you throw in the uncertainty of what my future looks like, it just becomes a bit overwhelming and then I have no-one to talk to about that, so it just keeps going round in circles and driving me crazy.

My ex was a narcissist and a gas lighter (I've done a lot of psychological research to try and understand what happened) and part of her controlling led me to discard all my friends and agree not to go out, cut off all contact. It sounds crazy when I sit down to write it out, but sometimes we do things for an easy life. Anyway, I've pushed a lot of people who did care away in my past and it would feel like using them now to go back, apologise and try to make amends.

I've gone from an incredibly confident, outgoing person, to someone with social anxiety who is scared to go out and meet people. Therefore whilst your suggestion of getting out makes sense, and I know it's right, it's makes me anxious and isn't easy. That's just something I need to work through. I've also sunk into a depression which has made me lethargic, with zero motivation. I can't even sit in my living room as there's too many memories, instead I live in a bedroom when home. I understand that is simply hiding from the world, but I don't know how to take the step to get back out there. Or particularly want to right now. Don't get me wrong, I work from home but do go out to client meetings, and also drag myself to the gym every day, however I just go home and straight to my room thereafter. It's no way to live. In fact, it's not living, simply existing. I'd really like to start living again.


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