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Not Sure

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slish
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2018 11:38 pm

Not Sure

Postby slish » Thu Feb 15, 2018 12:01 am

Hi,

For years now I haven’t felt great, I put this down to getting older and things changing as they do, but it seems to have been going on for a bit too long.

For a bit of background i was in the Royal Navy for 27 years and had a fulfilling career, but a bad event happened in the family with one of my children being abused by my brother that obviously hit me for 6.

At the time I had to put a strong face on to support my wife and all of my children, especially during court trials, but each day was a struggle getting out of bed, I did get counselling through the Royal Navy which helped and I kind of put it behind me, but haven’t been the same since, I thought this was just life and dealing with things.

I started a new job last year and everything seems to be going well (well I haven’t had any complaints), but if find it difficult getting motivated to complete the tasks I am assigned, and then remain awake thinking how useless I am and that I am letting myself and everyone else down (even though no one has said anything, I worry it will all boil over).

The job I do I have to manage quite a few people and it is very technical with many meetings and a lot of report reading/writing, and I think my concentration and general ability seems so much worse than it used to (I have been putting this down to getting older, but I am only in my mid to late 40's).

I worry constantly I will lose my job and then all the things that fall out of that, house repossessed etc and that I have/will let everyone down.

It also affects my home life where I can’t be bothered going out, or doing the little DIY jobs let alone the larger jobs. I find some nights its difficult to sleep even though I can be quite tired all day, but other nights are fine.

Like I said the feedback I have had so far is that my line manager is happy with my work, but I know I could be so much better and do so much more in the time at work, but I just slowly plod along even to the point of procrastination when I need to be getting on with things.

It wasn't until today when I typed in to Google 'why can’t I be bothered with anything' that I started reading some posts and think maybe this could be depression? I’m not sure I just feel like I am lazy and don’t deserve what I have, and it will all come crashing down.

I haven’t spoken to my family about this as it seems difficult to me, I suppose they way I was brought up the father was the strong one keeping things together, so that’s what I do.

Some days seem better than others where I might think 'right, pull your socks up' but after a few hours this generally disappears and I am back to where I was.

I know I should probably speak to my GP, otherwise i wouldn't have posted on here, but other people problems seem so much worse than mine, and mine wouldn't be problems if I could just stick a rocket up my back side.

anyway, any thoughts would be appreciated.

Thanks

wand
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2018 7:12 pm

Re: Not Sure

Postby wand » Thu Feb 15, 2018 11:07 am

Hi sounds like your going through a tough time, it is really worth talking to your doctor he may have options to help you. If not you can reffer yourself for some CBT therapy via talking therapies.

One very helpful thin one of my therapists said to me in the past when I wory like you that Im not doing well things like that is to check the evidence all through your post your saying know body else has a problem with you at work or else where by the sounds of it your in charge of alot of people, im pretty sure they would say if you were not doing ok. Sometime when we are in a bad place I find it help to see what others are seeing does it tally up with your worries.

You have had one traumatic experience for certain and poss others in your past. Ive just discovered I have complex ptsd something that starting before I was old enough to know anything ( what Im saying is we dont always remember some traumas) but they affect us for a long time after and can affect how we deal with life and other traumas if that makes any sense?

slish
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Feb 14, 2018 11:38 pm

Re: Not Sure

Postby slish » Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:37 am

Thanks Wand,

I have been trying to reflect on what i have done, and how well i may have done it. I will speak with my doctor and see what advice they can give.

mikedom78
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Feb 16, 2018 4:59 pm

Re: Not Sure

Postby mikedom78 » Sun Feb 18, 2018 2:36 pm

hello im sorry to hear what you are going through,I've only had my symptoms for just 3 weeks because of an attack and brain injury for a period I was also feeling worthless but now thats turned to fear and panic and I'm the strong one also who keeps my family safe but definitely see your doctor and speaking to your wife really could help you a lot aswell i confided in my wife straight away also with the fear of her thinking I was weak and not strong.thanks


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