I dont know about you but it sometimes helps me if I do something to help myself even i it is not going to help right now. Maybe have a look at talking therapies and see what you feel it would give you some option to get help that is not A and E though please do go there if you feel bad. Some areas have charity counselling services that might be able to help you ( sorry I know that is not now).
Sorry just reread your message and see you dont feel in the place to contact anyone please only use the info ive suggested if and when it feels ok for you.
Ive always found writing it all down helping me if you worry someone may read it burning it can actually be quiet theraputic