New to this...

[purpleraspberry]

I'm new here and don't really know how it works. I feel I need to get some things off my chest and don't have anybody to talk to. Hence me being on here. I've recently returned home (to my parents house) after some time abroad. I don't have many friends and haven't seen any one of them for over a month. I can't speak to my parents because they have their own problems and things are always tense between me and my dad (another story). I feel trapped with nowhere to go and no one to talk with. I feel very alone as if I'm watching other people live life why I just hide away and don't do anything. There is so much I want to see and do but have no confidence to go out and meet people. I feel useless and of no consequence at all. Nobody really cares what I do, everyone is busy with their own lives. It's a vicious circle because I sort of isolate myself on purpose as this is when I feel most comfortable, when alone. But at the same time I would love to meet others who share the same interests as me. But how can I meet people when I'm really anxious in social situations? I always feel like I'm going to embarrass myself by saying something stupid, so then don't say anything and then people take no notice of me. It feels like I'm destined to end up alone and dreaming of a life instead of living one.

Thanks for listening

[sunnysideofthings]

Its good you came on here, and shared your experience. Keep sharing, keep talking, and try a balance of the social interaction/ alone time. Even if its going out for a cup of coffee, make a point to make eye contact with a few people, smile and say hello. You can do this.

[purpleraspberry]

Hi sunnyside,

Thanks for your reply. It helps to know someone is listening. I've never been on a forum before - I'm a bit of a technophobe.

The thing is I can go for coffee and try to greet people but the problem is everyone these days (my age) seems too busy wrapped up on their phones/tablets/laptop for actual human interaction. I'm seen as strange/odd because I don't live my life glued to some sort of gadget. So just saying a friendly "hello" becomes hard because I feel people would rather be flicking through facebook than talking to me. Even if someone does talk to me I then feel as if they aren't interested in what I'm saying (because I'm not interesting) and can't wait to move away.

I just don't know where I belong. I've been away quite a lot over the last few years and can't seem to make solid connections, no matter where I go. It's always the same. I go away to hide the fact I've no real purpose (no career, no degree, no kids, no house etc) at home, then have to come back because I've no money and start all over again - still with no real purpose. I've had some incredible times when I've been travelling and do cherish these memories very much. But I can't keep drifting all my life. So much I want to say but can't articulate myself properly.