emloja wrote:Hi teamn and thanks for your reply. You are spot on - i have so many times wished i had some physical health issue that a tablet would fix and not depression and anxiety (I should at least be open and honest on here). It is society but it is also me- When reading your post i realised that although i have been trying to be kind to myself i have still been resisting my difficulties. I guess i am not as far along on this journey than i thought-but i do feel these conversations have helped me to be more honest with myself. The brief period where i felt good led me to believe that the depression was gone and intensified the feelings when it did return. I need to somehow transfer my feelings of like for the well me, onto the other me- and be open to the fact that depression may always be there with me- however much i don't want this.
So in a nutshell I am going to be random and honest to the internet and anyone who is reading- I had my first big depressive episode when i was 17 after a relative killed themselves due to mental health issues. I have since had a number of these episodes in which i retreated into myself. I have experienced anxiety since i was at school and had accepted a high level of anxiety as being normal for me. No one in my life knows about my anxiety and depression apart from a counsellor and my doctor. Despite these issues i function, although i am very single and have been for years (so dreams of having a family are rapidly diminishing). I work and have even lied after having to take time off by saying i have migraines (why is this so much more acceptable than saying i had insomnia and depression and couldn't face the day??). I first sought help 4 years ago and paid for a private counsellor (for fear of anything being on my records) and then a year ago finally approached my doctor when my depression and anxiety affected my eating and sleep- i was still at the time in denial that it was depression and anxiety and after a few visits finally decided to try medication. I currently take antidepressants and i have been lucky as they have really helped. I have completed a number of mindfulness courses, meditation courses and recently completed an online CBT course which was really helpful. So this year i will be working on becoming friends with my depression- thinking less and taking things slowly! Apologies for the randomness of this post- but it is important to me!
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