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Depressed and alone newbie

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ob77
Posts: 40
Joined: Sun Dec 31, 2017 12:13 am

Re: Depressed and alone newbie

Postby ob77 » Tue Jan 02, 2018 12:21 pm

I was doing so well. A full day and a half without thinking of her, then while at work 1 thought crept in, then another and another and........
I need a break from this. Its doing my head in
I feel so down and alone :-(

Ob

breatheinandout
Posts: 349
Joined: Mon Jul 17, 2017 10:03 am
Location: UK

Re: Depressed and alone newbie

Postby breatheinandout » Tue Jan 02, 2018 1:18 pm

Hi Ob, those thoughts are going to come - its how our brains work unfortunately and the weird thing is the more you try not to do it, the more the thoughts will come (Its why some of us are trying out mindfulness at the moment)

Have you got any plans for lunch? I suggest a brain reset - get out of the office, go for a walk get some air and something nice for lunch (do you have a favourite sarnie?)

Do you have any activities or hobbies you like to do? A good session after work doing exercise or something can really help physically and mentally (exercise especially annoyingly - gets the serotonin going)

Another thought is writing those thoughts down - like writing her a letter you are not intending to send about how you're feeling.
Why did i pick such a long username?! Do call me Biao :D

johnbeln
Posts: 59
Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:08 am

Re: Depressed and alone newbie

Postby johnbeln » Thu Jan 04, 2018 12:05 am

Hi Ob

Are you ok

JohnB

ob77
Posts: 40
Joined: Sun Dec 31, 2017 12:13 am

Re: Depressed and alone newbie

Postby ob77 » Thu Jan 04, 2018 1:11 am

Yeah thanks johnb. Im good. Each day has been better and better. Think the meds are kicking in lol. Had a blip a little while ago when i figured out i was being vastly underestimated and treated like an idiot again but caught her out. Finally accepted its over and time to move on. I know in my heart of hearts if she asked me to go back, i probably would but dont think i could ever trust her again. And its that which has made me realise to let her go and try to find myself before i open myself to anybody again. Its not going to be easy and the thought of it petrifies me. Im socially ackward at the best of times, and going up to and talking to women just dosent happen.
Thats really the only thing that now worries me from all of this. Being alone.
Think im destined to be alone :-(

ob77
Posts: 40
Joined: Sun Dec 31, 2017 12:13 am

Re: Depressed and alone newbie

Postby ob77 » Thu Jan 04, 2018 10:26 am

Today is not a good day.
Im currently at work and feel like my head is gonna explode. I just want to cry

johnbeln
Posts: 59
Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:08 am

Re: Depressed and alone newbie

Postby johnbeln » Fri Jan 05, 2018 2:16 pm

Hi Ob

I really sorry to hear that you are not having a good day
Just remember as soon as work is over and you have some quiet time you can post

How do I get through days like this especially as now that I can't drink
I just get myself to do something I would not normally do, something new
Sometimes it feels like I will never get through it but that's how I felt on new year's eve
Now that night is just another memory

Keeping posting and keep strong

JohnB

ob77
Posts: 40
Joined: Sun Dec 31, 2017 12:13 am

Re: Depressed and alone newbie

Postby ob77 » Wed Jan 10, 2018 6:37 pm

Today is what i call 1 of my blip days. Ive now gone nearly a whole week hardly thinking of her or missing her, in fact ive come to the realisation that its over. But today has been hard. I still miss her. After 8 years its understandable that i would, but, i dont k ow. Just feel alone and depressed again. Dont think i will evwr have the same feelings i had when i was with her again. Destined to be old and all alone :-(

breatheinandout
Posts: 349
Joined: Mon Jul 17, 2017 10:03 am
Location: UK

Re: Depressed and alone newbie

Postby breatheinandout » Wed Jan 10, 2018 6:50 pm

Anything particularly bad happen today Ob to make it hard? 8 years in a relationshp is a long time and you can't just shrug if off - shows it means something to you and you have a big heart. I hope its just one blip day and tomorrow is better.
Why did i pick such a long username?! Do call me Biao :D

johnbeln
Posts: 59
Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:08 am

Re: Depressed and alone newbie

Postby johnbeln » Thu Jan 11, 2018 1:27 am

HI Ob

You will miss her because you are missing the best things about her and to be honest this is the only thing you will remember
You won't remember the negative things about her our your relationship and that's ok
Don't try to put aside 8 years as Biao said this is long time to be with someone just to dismiss everything
This is first time in a long time that you can do whatever you want
Whatever you want!!!! Not what makes her happy, what both of you did together, not even what your close family want but what you want.

Now comes the hard question apart from getting back together what do you want to do?

Don't worry I am asking myself this same question and I just don't know but if I keep asking myself what is it I want without someone telling me I am selfish then I begin to find out what i like not what she liked or not liked... You mentioned she didn't like you taste in music but guess what now you can play the music you like all the time and even go to see a band that you like
Watch a film you like, eat food you like, wear style of clothes your like, for once in 8 years you can do what you want to do.

I always hated the unversal channel with stupid detective shows NCIS rubbish now I don't have to watch anything like that just because she loved them...

I purchased some aftershave that I liked and threw away the one she bought me because she said it smelt nice but I hated the smell..

Just remember simple things that made you happy that you may have given up over the years and take one day at a time. If you get nothing from my post just read this quote below and just for once think about you

"Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problems at once. I can do something for 12 hours that would drive my crazy if I had to do everyday for the rest of my life. So just for today I will do just one a thing for me and after I have done this one thing for me I can think about tomorrow"

Keep strong Ob

JohnB

ob77
Posts: 40
Joined: Sun Dec 31, 2017 12:13 am

Re: Depressed and alone newbie

Postby ob77 » Thu Jan 11, 2018 10:58 am

Another bad day. Seems thinking about her yesterday has carried over to today. Feel almost aa bad as ever. Never thought i would miss her this much and its tearing me up inside. Im even struggling to concentrate at work. I feel sick.

I just miss having someone to talk to.

Really struggling


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