Search

Support Forum

SANE Support Forum

Depressed and alone newbie

If you're new and want to say hello...
ob77
Posts: 40
Joined: Sun Dec 31, 2017 12:13 am

Depressed and alone newbie

Postby ob77 » Sun Dec 31, 2017 12:27 am

Hi.
This isnt easy for me, and its taken me a while to realise how much i need support, but my wife left me 5 weeks ago. 2 weeks before our wedfing anniversary, three weeks before the anniversary of my nans death and 4 weeks before christmas. She says she left me because of my snoring. Ive had a problem with my weight, my sinuses and my sleeping for years, which she was well aware of it before we ever married. But because of this for the last 4 years we have been sleeping in seperate rooms, which as much as i didnt like it, i accepted because i love her, but also relations were still good, and only 2 weeks before she left she was telling me how much she loved me. I have since discovered (christmas day to be exact) that she has already been seeing someone else and i dont know what 2 do anymore. Everytime i try and make contact she basically ignores me and dosent reply to my messages. She has blocked me on all social media and i cant cope. I just want answers and i feel a complete lack of respect from her for meeting someone so quickly, almost like it was planned. I havent got a large group of friends i can turn to, but of those i can most seem to want 2 just have a drink. I havent eaten anything in 5 days and i honestly cant remember the last time i had a proper nights sleep. Everytime i close my eyes i just see her and him together and i feel sick. I just want her back.
Im having 2 live with my parents at the moment and as im an only child i feel i have 2 bottle everything up in front of them as i dont want to hurt them like im hurt right now. Plus i know they mean well but i feel like im 12 years old while i stay here. Im 40. I dont know what to do? I have no one i feel i can talk to
Ob

johnbeln
Posts: 59
Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:08 am

Re: Depressed and alone newbie

Postby johnbeln » Sun Dec 31, 2017 1:59 am

Hi Ob

You are not alone I only joined a few days ago as my partner of 27 years walked out before Xmas
Read my post and you will know that you are not alone

This is a good place for support so please read my post and you can ask me anything

Like you right now I am alone and I am not sure where she is tonight
I am not looking for to the new year


johnB

teamn
Posts: 297
Joined: Sun Nov 05, 2017 6:10 pm

Re: Depressed and alone newbie

Postby teamn » Sun Dec 31, 2017 2:45 pm

I read your postvabd itv just saddens me that your going through this, and that the reason you've beeen given is that you snore too much..

I mean I dint like snoring, as I'm a light sleepier but I'm sure that's not grounds fir separation after such commitment to marriage.

I am giving a totally subjective opinion right now so furguve me,if it doesn't help, but I think she's being selfish, I'm single with two kids by two different partners..wow can't believe I even write that still shocked that this is my life..anyway I would love to find someone to settle down with and grew with, so when I here of men or women leaving someone in such disrespectful manner it upsets and annoys me.. I'm not saying people can't move on, but levels of respect must be priority..un
Eas abuse involved the self preservation is of most importance.

I totally get his yiu feel abut being 12 and a your parents, I'm 40 and felt like a grown kid when I lived with my dad..but if your parents are generally supportive then talk to them, as long as they won't disrespect you or make yiu feel worse. Talk and let it out, if you have supportive family it's important at times like this as they remind you of the wonderful person you are and not who your wife sees yiu as.

But yup only talk if they are loving and supportive.. all the best..

breatheinandout
Posts: 318
Joined: Mon Jul 17, 2017 10:03 am
Location: UK

Re: Depressed and alone newbie

Postby breatheinandout » Sun Dec 31, 2017 4:37 pm

Hello Ob,

So sorry to hear what you've been going through. What a nightmare. How are you holding up today? But welcome to the forum and the first thing is sending you a big hug - you don't deserve this.

Please don't bottle up how you're feeling, it makes it worse, and its making you ill. The pain and betrayal you're experiencing is completely natural - and unfortunately like the others say - you are not alone in this. And by sharing and talking about it, you'll find support and connection which will help you get through this situation - whatever happens. (A friend of mine split from spouse of 20 years and when finally started opening up to people, found that other friends had been experiencing problems but had also covered up. But men find opening up harder than women - i hate to offer stereotypes but it does seem to be true ; so don't be hard on yourself)

Completely understand where you're coming from about not being able to open up to your parents (I am 42 and currently staying with mine and its like the old patterns come back and you're a teenager again!). But they love you and would want to help you (and they are human, with all the mess that comes with that so have experienced challenges in their own lives). We can get caught up in day to day functioning and routines, so you may need to break that and say "mum, dad - i'm not coping with things, can we talk? I need help"

If not, there are other options. Are you in the UK?

Final thought: please go and eat something - i suggest a banana as they are kind to your tummy.

Sending another hug.
Biao
Why did i pick such a long username?! Do call me Biao :D

ob77
Posts: 40
Joined: Sun Dec 31, 2017 12:13 am

Re: Depressed and alone newbie

Postby ob77 » Sun Dec 31, 2017 6:15 pm

Thanks everyone for your kind words.
Today i took the step of going to see a gp. They have prescribed me mirtazapine to take to help me sleep and build an appetite again, but having read the side effects i feel reluctant to take them. They also recomend me going to a therapy session to talk things out but they say that the ex should go as well. Theres no point asking her as shes ignoring everything from me now, even my requests just for a chat.
Im having good hours, bad hours. Right now its good, but i had my 1st breakdown earlier and that just made me feel weak, even tho i know it was a good release.
Ive talked to my folks, and it was probably one of the most difficult things i have done, but feel we are all better for it and they now understand that i need to shut away sometimes, and sometimes i will need to talk or have a hug.
I just cant shake the feeling of being alone and the hurt she has left me with. I just want someone i can chat nonsense with :-(
Ob

johnbeln
Posts: 59
Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:08 am

Re: Depressed and alone newbie

Postby johnbeln » Sun Dec 31, 2017 7:30 pm

Hi OB

Are you online I really want to talk

JohnB

ob77
Posts: 40
Joined: Sun Dec 31, 2017 12:13 am

Re: Depressed and alone newbie

Postby ob77 » Sun Dec 31, 2017 7:39 pm

Im here
Ob

johnbeln
Posts: 59
Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:08 am

Re: Depressed and alone newbie

Postby johnbeln » Sun Dec 31, 2017 7:49 pm

Hi

I am at home alone on new years eve.....
My partner left me just before Xmas and walked in the door on the Thursday as nothing ever happened.
I was blocked on whatsapp.... She wouldn't even let me know if she was OK

It hurst in the pit of my stomach so much that I would feel physically sick
and still the pain kept coming

When I wrote my first blog i had to stop because I had a full on breakdown
So you can ask me whatever you want I will be honest upfront nonense truthful I have nothing to lose

JohnB

ob77
Posts: 40
Joined: Sun Dec 31, 2017 12:13 am

Re: Depressed and alone newbie

Postby ob77 » Sun Dec 31, 2017 8:05 pm

Thanks johnb. It really means the world to me to have just one person being there for me. Even a stranger :-)
I dont really have any questions, i do but they are all for her, more that i need the truth.
My biggest fear is i can be quite shy and really struggle to socialize beyond my group of friends, which has gotten smaller since she left me. I dont want to be alone. Even tonight i had arranged just to pop and see some friends, who have now arranged last minute to go out where i think she may be tonight. I dont blame them. Theyve been brilliant for me this past few weeks but even im sick of hearing myself moan all the time.
Ive had enough. I just wanna curl up and be invisible

Ob

johnbeln
Posts: 59
Joined: Fri Dec 29, 2017 10:08 am

Re: Depressed and alone newbie

Postby johnbeln » Sun Dec 31, 2017 8:14 pm

Hi Ob

Sometimes people we consider both our friends seem to lean to one or the other and as long as we were together they would call us friends
One of our friends we have known for over 20 years rang me to see if I was ok
I told him I handling the situation very well he told me to try to move on

Then it occurred to me that he has always taken her side before but I didn't feel threatened by him as he is gay now I know he has been more of a friend to her than to me

Is there any friends you shared before even if you haven't seen for a while who you could just hang out with? I found a friend who we both knew she said she wants to remain neutral but she has supported me throughout this whole mess

JohnB


Return to “Newbies Room”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests

cron