I know that. But when I am in a crisis I don't know it anymore. The feelings become my identity because they are so strong I cannot feel anything else.
Yep. It's a bugger isn't it. I used to get so frustrated when the professional advice is to pause and take a step back because, too late!
I have been able to catch some triggers before they pull and actually not enter some overriding states of thoughts and feelings. Key to that has been recognising precursors and pausing at that early stage, grounding, distracting or challenging myself to switch to a different track. Doesn't work for everything and it does take time to create the new habitual reactions but it is a worthwhile effort.
Of course that approach doesn't work when there are no noticable precursors, when a tsunami of emotion or a subconscious decision appear seemingly out of nowhere and overwhelm every other part of you.
I agree that your preventative approach of slow re-education of your subconscious is a good way forward. I've had considerable success with this, although still have a long way to go. If I can do it, so can you.
That is my experience, of course it may be different for you.