Never worry about how long it takes you to reply
My troubles with sleep are caused by a muscle problem rather than it being a problem with sleep itself, so I am really not sure if I can fix that any time soon. But it would be so nice to get to sleep a bit earlier.
Thanks for the encouragement. It really helps me to here from others that I am doing okay, because I am always doing my best, but you are right, I don't feel like I am doing good enough.
The place is coming along okay. I have enough for a functional life here. I haven't got floor down anywhere yet so it looks a bit unfinished and I only have one picture on the wall. To be honest it is not the most important thing for me. If I had lots of money I would just order a bunch of things just so it would be done, but I don't so I am just letting secondhand things appear whenever they do and that seems to be slowly working. This place feels like my rehab place, a place where you learn things about yourself, not a home as such, more like an upgrade from the hospital.. The money I do have I would rather spend on petrol for doing fun things with friends, or clothes because I lost a lot of weight so nothing fits anymore..
One positive thing I have done is signed up for a diving lesson to see if I can do it. If I can manage it then I want to save up for a wetsuit and some diving kit. I have always wanted to try it. I went swimming again tonight for an hour. My stomach muscles feel like I did 200 situps because I am not used to it anymore, but I really enjoyed it.
In short, at the moment I am a weird mix of hope and loneliness. One moment full gas life grabbing and the next crying.