Thanks for the hugs.. I don't think there are enough of them in the world!
I have never actually had to make it through the alone feeling before. I have sometimes been alone, but always really temporarily. Never had a place of my own before. Usually if a relationship is over I have gone in search of something to avoid that feeling. This time I can't do it anymore. This time was my first time belonging with someone for real. This was my first actual home. The first time that all those other thing that a human can go and do to make the lonely go away won't work anymore. So I am facing it for the first time and it is really the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I am not really okay, more like having to be because the other options are not options.
Being able to talk here makes a big difference. Also listening is good. You inspire me from all the work you do on yourself to get better and develop yourself, and Em is inspiring for her unstoppable positivity and giving spirit. I'm glad you guys told me about this site
I haven't really had too much energy to read through the other threads, just a little bit, but when I can I will read more.
I did actually manage to tell myself that it would pass. Then I did my meditation whilst crying and I actually think I also managed a tiny bit of acceptance for the sadness I am feeling. I almost completely freaked out, but then I didn't. Then I learnt a little bit of Dutch and that occupied my mind. So I survived, but then I really cheered up because W invited me over to watch football with his mum and we ate together, so then of course I was okay because I wasn't alone. Then I came back here and broke down completely. Had a very nice Skype call with a friend in the US and now I am feeling okay again. Especially because now I am online now talking to someone again. Basically I am okay with people, not okay alone. The best I can do is accept that it is okay to not be okay. And it is horrendous. Terrifying. Really f miserable. Hahaha
I am doing my best and your advice is good.
Glad someone got the Rimmer joke
Sunday is the day when I can definitely rest, which is a good thing, but when no one here does anything and nowhere is open.. so I will be definitely alone for the whole day so I am hoping that I will wake up feeling better than I did today. Which will be hard because I am already awake later than my sleeping pattern should be.