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Amaya

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amaya
Posts: 731
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: Amaya

Postby amaya » Sun Dec 10, 2017 6:42 pm

Thanks Deb.

I did manage to go out and play in the snow in the end. The day had a good bit in the middel for a few moments there.

andthistoomustpass
Posts: 1192
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: Amaya

Postby andthistoomustpass » Sun Dec 10, 2017 10:10 pm

Hi Amaya

I'm glad there was a good bit in the middle. You'll get through the appointments and have chance to play again soon enough. Did you make any snow creatures?

amaya
Posts: 731
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: Amaya

Postby amaya » Sun Dec 10, 2017 10:14 pm

Everything is so damn hard.

amaya
Posts: 731
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: Amaya

Postby amaya » Mon Dec 11, 2017 2:09 am

Oké, I am so tired I just started writing you guys a message in dutch haha

I would like suggestions for the best music or noises for sleeping too. I want to feel safe when I sleep and that is a real struggle for me. Hugo suggested it and maybe I need to try.

andthistoomustpass
Posts: 1192
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 11:02 pm

Re: Amaya

Postby andthistoomustpass » Mon Dec 11, 2017 2:38 am

Just emailed you a longer list but for anyone else interested;
I find the audio book The History of Western Philosophy by Bertram Russell amazing for getting me off. Err! I mean to sleep! I do not have a thing for 20th Century philosophers! ;)

Isap
Posts: 1522
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: Amaya

Postby Isap » Mon Dec 11, 2017 2:55 am

Hi A may a

Thinking of you

Isap xx

amaya
Posts: 731
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: Amaya

Postby amaya » Mon Dec 11, 2017 11:52 am

ATTMP that was terrible *rolls eyes*

Thanks Isap :)

I have been in a real fight with myself not to employ one or another of my old coping mechanisms that were very bad for me due to the levels of anxiety I have had recently. But I think I am winning the fight because I haven't actually done anything that is not good for me, apart from not sleep properly but that wasn't much of a choice.

This morning I thought I would see the support worker and then the psychiatrist this afternoon, but it turns out my appointment with the psychiatrist was first thing in the morning. So I won't see the support worker until Thursday now.

The appointment went well this morning. I told him exactly what I thought of the psychologist who is doing my diagnostic progress, but that I felt I could work with him. And I asked him to look into the possibility of having a conversation with someone to see if I had Asperger. We agree that I would ask the psychologist if the treatment I am working towards with them would still be appropriate if I had it.. and the psychiatrist will look to see if it is possible to investigate diagnosis before the treatment starts. We have another appointment booked for January. This feels like progress.

If Mihaela reads this, then I would be interested to know if there is a reliable online test for someone who might have high functioning female asperger? Or anyone else that might know.

Now I am back in bed resting with my laptop because I still have a cold and I have been awake until gone two o'clock for the last three nights and still got up early every day so I am getting really exhausted. But my anxiety is stopping me from feeling sleepy.. so I am knackered and weak feeling, but wired if that makes any sense at all.

What a ridiculous about of spam we had here! So annoying.
I hope you are all doing well :)

sirhugo
Posts: 297
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: Amaya

Postby sirhugo » Mon Dec 11, 2017 1:17 pm

personally i just play a selection of my favourite songs. not sure if that would work for you though. do you have a song that provokes happy memories? :D

failing that you could just try something soothing and relaxing. type relaxing music into you tube and you get the stuff thats sounds like whales humping :lol:

your everything is so hard comment rang true. im feeling much the same way. hang in there my friend

Isap
Posts: 1522
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: Amaya

Postby Isap » Mon Dec 11, 2017 1:39 pm

There is an app called Radio Art

It has a stress relief channel of relaxing classical and soft jazz, the good thing is that they are not tunes that bring back any memories so good for being mindful too. All instrumental

Isap xx

amaya
Posts: 731
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: Amaya

Postby amaya » Mon Dec 11, 2017 3:18 pm

Thanks guys :)

Triggers in music are a big problem for me if I just leave the radio on. But I will investigate your suggestions and if I find something I can listen to during the day without freaking out I might try putting it on at night. Maybe audio books will be the best, because it is the feeling of being alone that I need to balance so maybe a voice will help in a way that music couldn't.. I will look.

Doing my best to hang on in there. Today I think I am in shock from trying to deal with reality. I was shivering really bad earlier but I am warming up again now in bed.

Just rang the National Autistic Society in the UK to find out what a reliable online test is and have done that and sent my results along with the relevant research paper from the Cambridge university, and a Dutch translation of the question list I used, all of that, just emailed to my psychiatrist. No idea what they will make of it, but as I am not a neurologist or psychiatrist myself that is about the most I can do alone.

So far then I have:

Stress
Anxiety
Depression
CPTSD
BPD
DPD
..and maybe ASD

And the muscle problems.

I know I need to work it all through, find out exactly what my deal is, get the right treatment and then I will be able to get on with my life. But somehow spending so much time looking at the problem is making me feel much much worse.

And I am extremely lonely here. I know I am not alone in the grand picture of life because I have friends. But this kind of loneliness is something else.


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