I am just posting this here so that I don't forget it:
"People rarely come to a psychotherapist to have their characters transformed; they mostly want solutions to specific problems in their lives. Being dependent is normal. We are all born totally dependent on others, and human interdependence continues throughout life. Close ties with others make us feel more secure, and wanting to share experience is normal. People with strong dependent traits are particularly sensitive to the feelings of others and want to perform well, if only to please. They can lead better lives if they are helped to cultivate social skills and the capacity to show their need for guidance and protection in appropriate instead of compulsive and submissive ways. A therapist may be able to help them just enough so that a personality disorder becomes a personality type — polite, agreeable, thoughtful, disliking solitude, respectful of others' opinions, and preferring to be a follower rather than a leader."
It was the conclusion of a newsletter from Harvard medical. One of the more positive views of DPD that I have found.
It is also only one component of who I am because despite having a great need for others I also am a natural leader and have been in that role many times in my life. I am a very capable person. It is just that I can't get emotionally close to someone without fear of losing them, and one of my conditioned behaviours is then to retreat into the dependent part of my personality. That is something I can see a bit more clearly now.
So yes, Teamn, it is the beginning of some better understanding. Thank you so much for the hugs
Thanks for what you said about things getting better. I do think for the first time in my life there is a good chance of that. It is just frightening to finally be going there. Your own life you build up things, unhealthy things to be sure, but things that work to keep yourself going. And all of a sudden you have to let go of one branch and jump through the air not sure if you are going to make the next branch or not. I am frightened almost to death actually. But between living unhealthily, or giving up completely, both of which seem unacceptable now I am pushing myself forwards with all this.
"but as physical beings residing on this planet earth, in this physical workd, we dotn get to decide what change means or looks like, I guess we only get to decide how to respond to it" so true.
I do like football. I used to play as a kid, one of only two girls the boys would let on the pitch and then later in a girls league haha. I even like watching it
And gaming.. yes I am a nerd. Just another reason to ignore gender stereotyping as if we didn't already have enough reasons. As people we should just do what we like. Never mind if you are a boy or a girl. Although I do really enjoy playing the girly role too.. just never had much confidence in my own femininity.. but it is there and I want to enjoy it too.
lots of love, Nats
"Are you comfortable within his sessions now, or does it still cause you anxiety?" I still have massive, massive anxiety and that isn't really getting any better, but I am handling it better every week. Until I start being helped by the process I don't expect this will change.
Also the guy himself is really hard work. Doesn't display empathy apart from the barest amount. This may be a deliberate choice but he doesn't explain himself either so I wouldn't know. We wouldn't be friends in the real world and he regularly makes me angry. For example he rang me yesterday to discuss appointment times and the conversation involved reorganising things. I found it difficult and started crying. After we resolved the practical issues he hung up while I was still crying.. he said goodbye and when I couldn't answer the phone just went dead. I find that unprofessional actually. Especially with a client who was recently at risk of suicide. So I phoned him back and told him so. I told him what I needed and he then gave me some very good advice actually. So we weren't on the phone for more than about a minute or so and then I said goodbye. So he is learning too. In my first appointment he hadn't even read my file.. he didn't know I had even been in their hospital which is in the adjacent building. So he is not ideal. But I can work with it if the end result is an accurate diagnosis and treatment that works. But the man himself does not make me feel safe. At that is very triggering for me. I guess I am just sucking it up because I don't have a choice.
I am incredibly vulnerable due to content matter of these interviews and they haven't progressed to the point of treatment yet, that won't happen for about three months after the diagnostic process is completed. So it is all the problems and none of the solutions. Thinking it all through is making me realise things about myself that can't help but break down some of my existing coping mechanisms and I have not yet learnt anything to put in it's place. That is terrifying.
"I read on a post that you was howling at the moon with your Austrian friend, that made me smile, I remember when I sue to do that, it so freeing and liberating and so funny for sure."
Hey there is a chance once a month to get out there and do it XD
Thanks for your lovely post