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Re: Amaya

Postby andthistoomustpass » Mon Dec 04, 2017 12:13 pm


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Re: Amaya

Postby Isap » Mon Dec 04, 2017 1:07 pm

Hi Amaya

Without belittling your condition, I'm envious of the professional support you have access to, even if not that great. Holland is such a more tolerant and liberal country in every way although like everywhere you have those damn populists stirring up trouble. Dutch seem to approach problems pragmatically with common sense. I bet there are more Brits in Holland than the other way round

Isap xx

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Re: Amaya

Postby sirhugo » Mon Dec 04, 2017 3:17 pm

hi amaya. sorry i havent been on for a while.

heres the suggestion i had for sleeping. give your mind something to focus on other than "why cant i sleep?" or a of another million worries you probably have in your mind.

a while back i put on some music while i was trying to sleep. low enough so it wasnt disturbing my sleep but high enough that i could hear and follow the songs. i found that by following the songs gave mysomething to focus on and i was falling asleep quicker

a think part of it as well is you are actually sleeping but your mind tells you that you arent. many times ive lain on the couch, fully aware of what was going on around me, but my partner has said that i was "spark out" and "snoring like a trooper". i think the music helps as my mind will be following one song, then the next thing i know, im hearing a different song. This way my minds KNOWS ive actually been asleep

sounds bulls**t i know, but its worth a go :D

how you feeling today?

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Re: Amaya

Postby amaya » Mon Dec 04, 2017 9:57 pm

Thanks for my hugs ATTMP :)

Isap, I have been engaging with this company here for over a year now without actually having any treatment for one reason or another. Some of which is my own difficulties engaging with it in the beginning, but there have also been some very unprofessional things that have happened.. so don't get too jealous. I am not really sure how Holland compares with the UK yet for mental health support. It seems better from the outside, but I will hold off judgment until I am in treatment

Yes, those damn racist, right wing populists.. I wish I would wake up tomorrow and find they had all disappeared from the world haha.

The pragmatism is definitely strong. And I think you are probably right about the numbers, but I have no way of knowing that. I've always thought that you hear stats all the time about numbers of immigrants, but never how many are leaving to balance it out.. but the media here can be just like the UK media that way. But really, at the moment, it is important for me to take a rest from thinking about politics.. sometimes I can't help it.. because it is a subject I am passionate about. But I really do need the rest and I am not capable of getting involved at the moment so getting angry about it doesn't help me!

Sir Hugo, I do have a type of white noise in the background to help me not to feel so alone and that does help me to sleep. It is a good idea to have something else to think about.. but I am not really worrying about sleep when I can't sleep I am normally worrying about something else. Thanks for the advice it helps :)

I am feeling okay today. I have just been aquajogging with my austrian friend and we howled at the moon on the way back. I feel so energised after being in water and I am unusually relaxed right now.. I am hoping sleep will come easier tonight :)

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Re: Amaya

Postby deb1960 » Tue Dec 05, 2017 7:22 pm

Hi Amaya,

I hope today is good too and I hope your sleep is better. Mine is okay just now.

Not really posting right now as I feel really uptight. Just to say though that the British media has been found to be the most anti immigrant in Europe.

Take care, Deb x

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Re: Amaya

Postby amaya » Tue Dec 05, 2017 8:01 pm

Thanks Deb :)

The British media is racist because it is owned by the people who have a vested interest in us blaming each other instead of looking to where the problems really are. If the ordinary working people of the world would work together we could stop ourselves from being exploited and that would suck for the rich and powerful.

My day was good. I started feeling really sad about how things are at the moment. But then I went to my art class, listened to some strange experiemental piano music, went walking and shopping with friend who bought me a chocolade kerstman because it is sinterklaas here today. Since I got back I have had two Skype chats, both nice. Now I am really exhausted and trying to unwind.

I am really glad to hear that you have been sleeping. I have still not managed to sleep well, I think being tired is somehow counterproductive for actually sleeping. Tomorrow I have that appointment to talk about diagnosis. Feeling very stressed, but more tired than stressed so I am not getting too tense because I don't have enough strength. I hope I can sleep a bit so that I can drive tomorrow.

Don't worry about when you post and when you don't. I will also have lots of days when I don't post. Night night x

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Re: Amaya

Postby amaya » Wed Dec 06, 2017 10:48 pm

I began the conversation about diagnosis today. To be honest I am too tired to say much about it. But we didn't finish his list of questions and I am due back there early tomorrow morning to continue the process so I need to sleep and it is hard to unwind.

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Re: Amaya

Postby amaya » Thu Dec 07, 2017 2:51 pm

A got a bit further in a diagnosis process today. Too tired to explain it all, the process is wiping me out. Just wanted to tell you guys. I really feel like I got nothing left right now.

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Re: Amaya

Postby teamn » Thu Dec 07, 2017 4:24 pm


although process wiing you out, I hope todays session was productive, bit difficult to ascertain what you mean by got nothing left to give, whether you mean, in terms of information sharing in diagnostic process or in life. I do hope your ok today an have managed to sleep

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Re: Amaya

Postby amaya » Thu Dec 07, 2017 5:18 pm

The session was productive.

We were working through the various personality disorders to see if I have any of them. Apparently I have two. I guess that is productive even if it makes me feel utterly miserable.

The nothing left to give probably applies to just about everything.

I didn't manage to sleep.

Technically I am going on okay with everything because I seem to have found a way to do that. But I am utterly, utterly miserable, tired, lonely and do not know what to do with myself right now. I just wish I wasn't alone anymore.

Putting a brave face on it but really really struggling with all this. I am having to focus on the positives to get through all the driving, the muscle problems, making sure I don't cause any stress to anyone else. And when I stop, like now, I suddenly realise how low I am.

We didn't talk about the trauma yet.
He didn't think I had aspergers.

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