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Amaya

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amaya
Posts: 731
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: Amaya

Postby amaya » Sat Feb 10, 2018 12:31 pm

Thanks guys. I think doing the scuba diving really helped. The last time I went the teacher was really rude and impatient towards me and I was really anxious to go back. Last night it was a different teacher and he was so clear with his explanations and patient, I really learnt things and really enjoyed the lesson. I could also see that the guy from last week was just permanently impatient about everything so I really know that he is his own issue and it actually has nothing to do with me. We were learning to snorkel again and I am really enjoying it. But yeah, I think the anxiety for that built up for a whole two weeks and gave a lot of stress so it was one hell of an achievement to actually go back there and do it.

I do focus on those good moments. And I think about W and how grateful I am for our friendship. These are the things that get me through. Friends. Getting out and doing things. But there are still more difficult times than good and it is a real fight. But I am fighting, doing everything I know is good for me to keep going and hoping one day to wake up happy, well and satisfied with myself and my life. Trying not to think about what will happen if things don't work out. Just trying to stay in the moment and focus on the little improvements I am making.

Underneath the surface when I pay attention to myself I really feel like nothing. How a nothing can have so much pain and feeling of breaking I am not sure. But it is like this, I live on the surface with my focus on the positive trying desperately to hold out until I have treatment. Under that is how I feel which is so many powerful painful emotions from loss and hurt and fear etc, but if I look further to see who is feeling that way there is no one there.

Hurry up therapy! haha I am laughing and crying at the same time.

amaya
Posts: 731
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: Amaya

Postby amaya » Sun Feb 11, 2018 3:26 pm

I am low everyday at the moment. Definitely in a period of depression alongside everything else. Can't even seem to get my housework done anymore.

Found out last night that emails about my therapy had been hiding in my spam box for days and it was so frustrating. I went to sleep about four hours later than planned due to not being able to stop crying and then had horrendous nightmares this morning. So fed up.

Cheered up with a nice chat this morning and I have been studying Dutch to keep myself on an even keel.

deb1960
Posts: 1616
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Amaya

Postby deb1960 » Mon Feb 12, 2018 6:00 pm

I hope today has been a bit better Amaya

Deb x

amaya
Posts: 731
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: Amaya

Postby amaya » Sat Feb 17, 2018 1:06 pm

Thanks :)

I had a couple of nights this week without nightmares, which gave me a chance to sort my place out. I saw W and we had a really lovely time together. And it seems my mood is doing way way better.

Still haven't had an appointment for treatment, but I am seeing the psychiatrist on Monday.

sirhugo
Posts: 412
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: Amaya

Postby sirhugo » Tue Feb 20, 2018 1:13 pm

Hi my dearie. long time no see. how you getting on today :D

amaya
Posts: 731
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: Amaya

Postby amaya » Wed Feb 21, 2018 11:31 pm

Hey :)

I had a great day and now I am hoping to go to sleep soonish.
Glad you are back.

I can't use the forum on a phone either, way too annoying. Dude.. get a computer!! XD

sirhugo
Posts: 412
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: Amaya

Postby sirhugo » Thu Feb 22, 2018 10:45 am

I have a computer thank you very much :P :P :P :D :D

I don't use it much because its old and battered and a web page takes about 2 days to load

I could probably use my phone if I wanted, but Ive having a serious case of cant-be-arsed-itis recently. its been my biggest problem these days.

I saw that you were scuba diving recently. that must have been interesting

littleem
Posts: 366
Joined: Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:30 am

Re: Amaya

Postby littleem » Fri Feb 23, 2018 9:58 pm

Hey!

Just popping in to let you know I'm thinking of you and that I hope you're as well as you can be right now.

Take care of yourself.

Love Em xxx

deb1960
Posts: 1616
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Amaya

Postby deb1960 » Tue Feb 27, 2018 9:44 pm

Hi Amaya

How are you doing?

Right at this moment I'm in bed and the wind sounds wild (more to do with this house than the actual wind) but I really love the noise when I'm tucked up in bed. That's irrelevant it just came in my head.

Take care
Deb x

sirhugo
Posts: 412
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: Amaya

Postby sirhugo » Wed Mar 14, 2018 3:48 pm

haven't heard anything from you in a good while. everything ok?


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