Hello and welcome!
Jacks2005 wrote:Hi, First time I have really used a forum.
I've had depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember but always managed to work through it and keep my happy face mask on up until 2.5 years ago...
This sounds so much like myself.
Specialist diagnosed complex PTSD but local psychiatrist won't change his diagnosis from BPD and took me off his books about 6 months ago basically because I hadn't ended up in hospital for 6 months and so must be better!
This is so wrong, yet quite typical. If you've been diagnosed with C-PTSD you're lucky, for most specailists have probably still not even heard of it. It's been said that being on the autism spectrum is like having permanent PTSD, and I can't argue with that.
Professional arrogance prevents 'experts' from admitting that their diagnoses may be wrong. BPD is the classic diagnosis that generic psychiatrists give to women when they can't quite pin down the problem, so classic that I'm assuming you're a woman. Often this is because they are untrained in recognising female-type Asperger's (which I have, and I too, have had various misdiagnoses over the years). I was similarly taken off their books, and they didn't even have the decency to let me know. Their behaviour made my health get worse, until a stranger appeared out of the blue and began to support me. I simply can't manage without that support, and it weren't for him I'd probably have ended my life by now, for the NHS were criminally negligent.
Unable to work due mainly to the exhaustion, dissociations and panic attacks but when I last saw my Dr she said that I had been off work long enough now and it was time to go back...didn't ask how my symptoms were though.
Same here. It was me who discovered that I had HF autism, and eventually I got a diagnosis. Thousands of women suffer because we get misdiagnosed or slip through the net, for the traits are quite different to classic Asperger's. Exhaustion, dissociation and panic attacks are all part of it, and don't ever expect a GP to understand. Mine laughed at me when I asked for a referral over suspected AS. We get exhausted trying to mask our traits, and so to recover we need time to ourselves. We're good at pretending to be 'normal', but it's hard work.
Now very anxious about having to work with people again as I have lashed out at people who have startled me in the past...what if it happens again?
I understand completely, and I have friends who are just the same - all with AS. Work situations can be a nightmare for us, especially the social side of work.
I would like to be able to work for/by myself, e.g. Dog walking, but as I am completely exhausted most of the time I don't think I could do this yet.
Yes! That could be said of all women with AS, and lots of men too. We like our own company, and often get on better with animals than with people. We can take most people in small doses, and usually they don't understand us - and that includes most psychiatrists who know next to nothing about adult autism, especially in females.
Hope this helps. I'm not saying you have what I have, but from all you say there's nothing to suggest you haven't. It came as a great relief to me.