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Sometimes you just need to let off steam...
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Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2018 7:45 pm


Postby meldjo » Tue Mar 06, 2018 8:00 pm

My entire life I've been suffering in some sort of way.

Ever since I was a little kid, my father has always forbid me from talking to other people. Yes you read that right. He never allowed me or my siblings to make friends at school... because if we did... we would literally get beaten up.
Over the years I've been swallowing my frustrations. But a long time has passed and now I'm 22 years old. Giving that my whole life I was never allowed to speak to anyone, I've naturally become a very quiet person. I have no idea how to start a friendship, let alone maintain one. At home I don't exactly have someone who can freely talk to either without getting judged. And this is where my issue comes in. I feel lonelier than ever. I have things going on in my life that, I can't talk about in school because I have no friends... but also can't say anything at home because I get judged.

At this point, I just keep crying... and I can't help but think to myself if life is really worth living. Is there someone out there who would actually be willing to listen to me...
When I was 14 I began suffering with hyperthyroidism. I became depressed, anxious, lost weight, muscles, my memory became worse than ever... I stayed like that for 6 years. Then I finally got better, but my muscles never came back. I tried explaining to my family, but everyone looks at me like I'm a liar. Even my gp laughed at me without even examining me. I don't know what to do or who to turn to. I'm lost.

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Location: Lancashire and Moldova

Re: lonely

Postby mihaela » Wed Mar 07, 2018 6:16 am

Oh, you poor thing! :(
I can't believe how cruel people can be. I've suffered a life of cruelty and persecution ever since I was about 9, had no friends for many years, was painfully shy, and must have cried a lake of tears - so I know what your going through. Luckily my parents were very good to me; it was others who were bad, from school onwards. I've been made fun of countless times for being too caring, too trusting, too honest, even too intelligent. It took many years before I began to fight back, and I sense that at last I'm winning. But this needed a lot of help from friends. Without that support I don't know where I'd be now - and I still need it.

You may feel helpless and confused now, but with help you'll overcome all that damage, and you'll find your life will become more and more worth living. I can help you here on this forum but if you contact me on lamposatmaildotmd it might be easier. (There's no PM facility here, which is very frustrating).

If you have no friends to help you, you now have me at least and I won't let you down. I'll do all I possibly can to help you find more friends and support. Please don't worry yourself too much. Things will now start getting better. :)

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Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: lonely

Postby sirhugo » Thu Mar 08, 2018 3:35 pm

your post not only pulled at my heartstrings, it also made me angry. if I met your parents in the street id have a huge urge to punch them in the face.

what they have done to you is child abuse, plain and simple. I would be seeking help as soon as possible. It may be hard to open up about this to strangers, but you need to tell them that your living conditions are intolerable and you need to get out ASAP

Hopefully when you get out on your own you can begin to heal

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Joined: Thu Feb 15, 2018 11:57 pm
Location: Philadelphia, PA USA

Re: lonely

Postby kittypae » Thu Mar 08, 2018 9:33 pm

Hi Meldjo -
I hope you will reach out to a professional person or a professional peer support to talk to. My first peer support experience was overwhelming because i didn't know where to start. So i started journaling some stuff. I'm best at note taking from school :) and stuff. Perhaps, that's an idea you can try...writing a small short list of few words or items that come up in 5 minutes at that moment and share it to a professional peer support. And whatever you are comfortable in sharing about are your boundaries. Do you think you could do something like that? I know it's hugeeee but I think you are already very brave for reaching out and sharing this :)

meldjo wrote:My entire life I've been suffering in some sort of way.
At this point, I just keep crying... and I can't help but think to myself if life is really worth living. Is there someone out there who would actually be willing to listen to me...

If you end up needing another tissue :shock: :cry: , I hope you remember that you're not alone ;) and the peer support really helped me :) . CharitySANE offers this if you live in the UK. If you need help finding someone, i'm sure they can help too.
Kind Regards,
Kitty Pae

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Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2018 7:45 pm

Re: lonely

Postby meldjo » Fri Mar 09, 2018 3:52 pm

Thank you for all the replies :) I find it interesting how people on the internet seem to be more understanding than those who should be supporting me...

To be honest with you, I've genuinely been thinking about reaching out for help at uni... but I'm beyond embarrassed to do so. Like I said before, I've been suffering for a long time, but I never imagined that I would feel the need to reach out for help of a counselor. For me this is one of those things that you only see on TV. But I can't do this anymore... I feel like if I don't get help I won't make it for much longer because I'm beyond frustrated. I'm really on the verge of having a mental breakdown, but I'm also scared of once again being looked down on.

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