Well, what I can say is that I'm sorry for what you're going through.
Of you'd like to know what I do... personally I watch youtube videos when it comes to food and exercise. There's several youtubers (honeysuckle, blogilates, the domestic geek, etc) who have a bunch of easy and cheap recipes that you can make at home. You can even adjust their recipes to your own taste ( I know I do that). I'm a very picky eater and I love junk food way too much, that's why I look at these youtubers to find ways to eat the things that I like the most in a much healthier way. Doing this, I no longer feel guilty.
Please give ot another try with cooking. Because after a while of trying to be healthier, what I came to realise is that, sometimes is not about how much you eat, but rather the things that you're eating. Cooking allows you to control what you're eating.
Well, that's all I can say for now, but hope everything goes well with you