I'm so sorry to hear how you're struggling right now. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope you're having a brighter day today.
It's still positive that you are having some good days. What is it about these days that feel better? Could you try doing some of what helps on good days on the bad days? I know it can be tough when your mood is low to do usually enjoyable things but I still try and do them even in just short bursts.
Go easy on yourself when the bad days do come. Even 'happy' people who seem to have everything 'together' (certainly lots of these in my own family!) have bad days. If you need to rest or cry or relax or rant, just do it and don't feel guilty for having tough days. More good days will come I am sure.
Evenings are better for me, too. I usually feel relief that the day is done by the evening and a little more hopeful for the next day. Is there anything you could do in the morning's that would be something to look forward to? This could be as simple as a hot bath with candles, going out somewhere different or eating something different for breakfast.
Really sorry to hear about the difficulty with the GP. Good idea going to see a different doctor. If they refuse also, ask if there are similar meds to pregabalin that could help instead?
Have you tried other things to help reduce anxiety? Relaxation, meditation, distraction activities, therapy etc.
Don't feel you have to stay quiet and 'behave' if you want to express your needs. It's absolutely important and essential to put yourself and your happiness and health first. I went to the GP just before I was admitted to hospital to ask for a sick note and he told me I should be in a full time job to help my depression! He was firing questions at me and I felt interrogated! I then burst out crying and told him just how much I wanted to be in work and that I wasn't faking an illness for the sake of 50 quid a week! He completely changed his attitude, apologised and explained that he only wanted to help me. I got the note, left feeling calmer and no longer angry at the doctor .... and was admitted to hospital a few days later.
What I'm saying is don't let anyone make you feel you're not 'ill' enough for help. Keep fighting Debs and trust me when I say that I understand your frustration, but it's worth persisting to find the really genuine and helpful MH professionals because they ARE out there. It is sad we have to persist but please know you are absolutely 100% worthy of getting the help you need to get well and be happy. I'm absolutely rooting for you!
Take care of yourself,
Love Em x