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Super frustrated

Sometimes you just need to let off steam...
bensaemi
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Nov 30, 2017 6:44 am

Super frustrated

Postby bensaemi » Thu Nov 30, 2017 6:50 am

I lost a friendship a short while ago and it was to a woman who is 20 years older than me - she's acted as somewhat of a mother figure to me for a while but has always been my best friend (sad right?)

I've been there for her when her father died, then his wife etc, pretty heavy stuff. But I always managed to do something wrong. I always ended up doing something that made her angry with me, or not what to talk to me for a while and as a young adult still learning my way it was pretty confusing.

She ended up cheating on her husband and made me keep it secret for long enough that it made me ill. She finally told him and he obviously had questions - he asked me a simple one and I answered. She now won't speak to me other than to blame me for what happened.

I'm SO confused and super frustrated and just find myself crying about it ALL the time. I love this woman to pieces for all the help she's given me, even when she didn't have to but I also know that I should never have been treated the way I was. I don't know what I deserve or what to do about it but I want her friendship back. Is that wrong? I just want to stop crying to be honest.

Isap
Posts: 1366
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: Super frustrated

Postby Isap » Thu Nov 30, 2017 8:07 am

Hi there

Sorry to hear of this business. I don't believe you've done anything wrong.

I won't offer any advice but leave it to the lovely ladies on this forum who will be able to help. They won't be online for a while so please be patient

Isap x

mihaela
Posts: 897
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2016 12:42 am
Location: Lancashire and Moldova

Re: Super frustrated

Postby mihaela » Thu Nov 30, 2017 10:26 am

Hi bensaemi and welcome.

I'm on the verge of a similar thing happening to me, and feel very much the aggrieved party - as usual, for I've been used and abused for most of my life. The main difference is that my friend (who lives with me) is 20 years younger than me, and she sees me a mother figure, and I see her as a wayard daughter!

bensaemi wrote:she's acted as somewhat of a mother figure to me for a while but has always been my best friend (sad right?)


Not sad at all. People have all kinds of relationships.

I've been there for her when her father died, then his wife etc, pretty heavy stuff. But I always managed to do something wrong. I always ended up doing something that made her angry with me, or not what to talk to me for a while and as a young adult still learning my way it was pretty confusing.


Similar for me too. I'm too honest and caring, if that's possible. I have a late diagnosis of female-type Asperger's and I'm often misunderstood by those who aren't interested in understanding me. For people like me, the neurotypical world can often be confusing and scary. It's full of cheating and hypocrisy. Of course, you didn't mean to upset her, but rather she misinterpreted what you did or said. That's kind of thing is the story of my life :D

She ended up cheating on her husband and made me keep it secret for long enough that it made me ill. She finally told him and he obviously had questions - he asked me a simple one and I answered. She now won't speak to me other than to blame me for what happened.


It's not fair for you to bear the burden of her secrets. It's my friends endless pointless lies and secrecy that's making me ill. She also had a risky relationship with a much older married man. I couldn't simply ignore what was going on, and it was making me ill. She's been living here all expenses paid by me. And when she moved in I'd just been defrauded of all my money and house - ongoing police investigation. I feel she's used and manipulated me, but not really intentionally.

I'm SO confused and super frustrated and just find myself crying about it ALL the time. I love this woman to pieces for all the help she's given me, even when she didn't have to but I also know that I should never have been treated the way I was.


Me too - EXACTLY how I feel, and I cry too, but less so than a while ago. Your crying will become less too in time. It really hurts!

I don't know what I deserve or what to do about it but I want her friendship back. Is that wrong? I just want to stop crying to be honest.


Not wrong at all. Luckily I still have my friend's friendship, but she'll be moving out soon - maybe even today. I worry about her in the future, and hope she'll be happy in a new place. I'll miss her, but we'll still see one another, and she's free to come back - providing the lies and deception stop. (That's all I ask).

Is there any way, say through a mutual friend, that you two can remain friends? She needs to understand your side of the story, and accept that she's been manipulating you. She should not expect you to keep her secrets, and as for cheating on her husband that is so very wrong and selfish.

I'm sorry I can't help you much more,but I'm always here if you need me. xx


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