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My Life

Sometimes you just need to let off steam...
ricochet
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Nov 18, 2017 9:14 pm

My Life

Postby ricochet » Sat Nov 18, 2017 9:33 pm

Hi,

I am new here. To be honest this was my last resort and here I am.

To be straight, I am confused, sad, happy, nervous, irritable, don't feel understood etc. I really really hate things right now. It's like by little things come to me, I end up releasing ALL my anger and sadness. Once I felt nothing and walked across the road and thought about what would happen if I died. I thought that like my uncle who had killed himself, it would be painless and it would just happen... A car came by and I decided to carry on walking to the other pavement. It's weird because I had nothing stopping me, yet now I'm here and just had a laugh with some friends and feel "happy". Ugh... now I feel like it's empty happiness. I really really want to just leave everything, school, family, England everything. My dream is to go to new york. I went there for a holiday and I had the time of my life. But recently, my sadness has completely made me at points "numb" if you get what I mean. I love filmmaking but I don't feel it and have kinda lost interest, my love for design and technology is gone and genuinely it's things like this that want me to just leave everything, put me in a room with food, water, and a big ass TV and just leave me there. :lol:

The problem is that I am a sensitive person so of course, I will burst out into laughter if something is funny. The problem is also that I hate myself for faking my laughter when something isn't funny just to fit in. I have a really horrid twisting gut-wrenching feeling in my stomach the moment I'm alone. My family doesn't see it; they tell me that I have no reason to be this way. And in a way, I now want to have something wrong with me so they will finally understand that I absolutely hate everything. I am now trying to think of what to say but I now want to cry. People think that I want attention when I'm sad. But like I said I am a very expressive person so I something is funny, I will laugh. Please someone read this and help me. I have no real friends, I don't want to lie to myself anymore - everything is shit. But when people start telling me I'm an attention seeker, there is no reason to feel this way and my facade which flares up when I am trying to fake being happy to fit in and my general personality really really fucks me up. If you have managed to read this mess, Please just help me with something, anything.


Eric

sirhugo
Posts: 189
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: My Life

Postby sirhugo » Sun Nov 19, 2017 3:06 pm

they say the first step is admitting you have a problem. the second step is asking for help. youve already done both so kudos to you

everything that you said suggests bipolar to me, but im no professional. id make a appointment with your gp and tell him exactly what your wrote on the forum today. there might be some
medication and/or counselling that might help

good luck.

amaya
Posts: 611
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: My Life

Postby amaya » Sun Nov 19, 2017 11:53 pm

My first thought was that sounds like it has a lot of similarities with struggles I have had in the past and you tick a lot of boxes for borderline personality disorder. It has a bad reputation but a lot of awesome people would fit the criteria for diagnosis, myself included. Basically sensitive child with early attachment struggles undergoes difficult or traumatic circumstances at key points of childhood and teenage years and grows up to fit a certain pattern. It is wonderful to be sensitive, but tremendously nightmarish when others take advantage and you are missing the feeling of a stable basis inside your own self.

But hey, never let anyone on a support forum give you a diagnosis haha. I think this is a case of needing to go to the doctor and get a referral to a psychiatrist. The good news about something like borderline is that you can recover completely if you get the right therapy and medication is not necessarily applicable. I was terrified asking for help the first time, but over the years I have come to understand myself better and I know it would have been an easier life for me if I had started the process sooner.

Maybe you don't ever have a complicated diagnosis. You may just be a sensitive person under stress right now. But it can't hurt you to reach out. Good luck :)

Just remember, it is okay to be you, be kind to yourself on the inside even if you aren't ready to let people see it all now :)


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