Phobia of boyfriend watching shows with sex and nudity in

[deadbutterflies]

Hi,

I'm glad I found this thread as I too have been living with this for a few years. I really wish I could discuss it further. If you ever want to discuss, I'm really open to talking about it because I can't take it anymore.

[ashn]

Hi all I go through this exact feeling myself. I know my husband loves me, but I just get this sinking burning feeling inside and I'm on the edge everytime we watch a movie and a lady takes off her clothes and there's some sexual interaction with her. The fact that my husband is watching another naked woman just irks me to another level I even feel like crying sometimes. I don't want to seem paranoid but I always seem to look at movie content to check for nudity before we watch anything. I'm aware he will come across this when I'm not around and I can't help it but it just bothers me so much I want help. I don't want to be paranoid and it to affect our relationship but it truly affects me. I feel its so unnecessary to involve such scenes with extreme sexuality portraying a woman's body focusing on straight men rather than sexualising both partners. I'm not saying that will make me feel any better, the whole concept just irritates me. I just need to know what I can do to avoid this feeling. every movie has nudity nowadays... & I can't seem to enjoy one without being afraid if my husband and I will be watching a naked woman on screen. I find it so difficult to ask him to look away its something that should come from him naturally knowing it disturbs me to this extent.

[ashn]

Hi,

I'm glad I found this thread as I too have been living with this for a few years. I really wish I could discuss it further. If you ever want to discuss, I'm really open to talking about it because I can't take it anymore.

Hi let me know how I can talk to you! Want to discuss with you

[deadbutterflies]

I don't know. I thought it was possible to send private message but I can't find this option.

Hi,

I'm glad I found this thread as I too have been living with this for a few years. I really wish I could discuss it further. If you ever want to discuss, I'm really open to talking about it because I can't take it anymore.

Hi let me know how I can talk to you! Want to discuss with you

[smiffy]

This thread started ageesss ago but I'm so glad I've found it. I've absolutely worked myself into the ground tonight with anxiety and overthinking because my boyfriend and I watched a TV show with a bit of nudity. I saw him "sort himself out" and I just can't get over it. I'm such an insecure person anyway, and will avoid movies and TV shows at all costs due to potential sex scenes. It controls our down time because it takes so long to find something I don't get panicky or anxious watching. I don't know what to do anymore! I'm so glad I'm not alone.

[msrachel]

I’m sooo glad I came across this!! I’ve been having this problem for years and I always thought it was just me because everyone always says it’s not normal. I’ve been with my husband for a little over 2 years now. When we first got together nothing was wrong. He didn’t even watch porn. Which I don’t care about as long as I don’t have it in my face. He knew and still knows how movies with nudity and sex make me feel so we would only watch them sometimes and I would just shut up. Now, fast forward 2 years and I don’t want to watch movies or shows anymore. I just don’t have the desire. I just can’t stand sitting there while he’s thoroughly enjoying seeing a naked woman with perfect hair, lighting, makeup, etc., and I’m feeling super uncomfortable. He thinks I should be okay with it these days. He tells me I watch things a 9 year old would watch because it’s not what he likes. I feel like it’s extremely disrespectful to watch those things if your partner doesn’t like it in my opinion.
He says the movies are “funny” and I do love comedy but, there’s no need for sex and nudity if it truly is a good movie.
I would like to be okay with it. I would love to talk to someone too if they want to! We could work through this together♥️

[deadbutterflies]

I’m sooo glad I came across this!! I’ve been having this problem for years and I always thought it was just me because everyone always says it’s not normal. I’ve been with my husband for a little over 2 years now. When we first got together nothing was wrong. He didn’t even watch porn. Which I don’t care about as long as I don’t have it in my face. He knew and still knows how movies with nudity and sex make me feel so we would only watch them sometimes and I would just shut up. Now, fast forward 2 years and I don’t want to watch movies or shows anymore. I just don’t have the desire. I just can’t stand sitting there while he’s thoroughly enjoying seeing a naked woman with perfect hair, lighting, makeup, etc., and I’m feeling super uncomfortable. He thinks I should be okay with it these days. He tells me I watch things a 9 year old would watch because it’s not what he likes. I feel like it’s extremely disrespectful to watch those things if your partner doesn’t like it in my opinion.
He says the movies are “funny” and I do love comedy but, there’s no need for sex and nudity if it truly is a good movie.
I would like to be okay with it. I would love to talk to someone too if they want to! We could work through this together♥️

Hey!
I hear you. I don't know how to reach to people in private message. I have been trying but to no avail. If someone can help me, I would appreciate it.

Otherwise, I just want you to know that there's NOTHING wrong with you. I know people will pressure you into thinking that you aren't "normal" but what is normal? People, just like you and I, have created these societal values and beliefs... they are just "that" - beliefs. They aren't the truth! It's easier for people to infantilize us, or degrade us, to feel better about themselves. It wasn't okay to imply that you're watching kids stuff. I'm sorry he did that to you.

[bleigh8610]

Their is so much sexualization because women exchange morals for cash. They want attention more than respect. It’s gross how as the men get older, the actresses get younger. No wonder why so many men are couch potatoes tho. My boyfriend has told me so many excuses on why it’s ok to watch the trash. It’s fake, it’s ok to look as long as you don’t know them, it doesn’t do anything for me all while telling me that he doesn’t need it. Must be why he needs all of the excuses. Lol then I wonder why strip clubs are still in business. Heck I think naked and afraid is trash. I’m sure it’s main audience is men. It’s really gross that men just aren’t decent anymore and that they feel that watching this crap is a birth right or something. Something that most all say that tv nudity is nothing to worry about. I guess women who’s boyfriend goes out to a strip club has nothing to worry about either. Their all just curious about other women’s bodies.

I'm so glad I stumbled on this site and all the comments on the subject of boyfriends watching programs and films containing nudity.
It seems to be all naked women... No men which I think is the biggest issue... Women are still seen as sex objects. I bought this up with my boyfriend and his reply was... Well it's how it is.. always has been and always will be.. get used to it. It won't change. He did agree that it was unfair however
He also said it's because women are better to look at than men! But he would say that.. he's a man. When any naked women appear on TV(which is often) my heart pounds and I gett stressed and anxious. I usually turn off what ever is on. I just can't stand it
Why is there so much damn sexualisation of women?? It's on TV, internet, video games
Is there no way to stop this? Either equal things up.... Have males naked for a change... Males doing the stripping in strip clubs... Lap dancing clubs... Why is everything aimed at men! It's 2019 for heavens sale. It's time for a change... Equal male and female nudity or no nudity at all!

[bleigh8610]

I am so sorry that your husband makes you feel bad for asking for respect. I get all kinds of excuses on why it’s ok to watch the stuff too from my boyfriend but that is a boundary of mine and you are deserving of this boundary for yourself also. There should be no reason why a man needs to look at another woman sexually like that when they are in a relationship. So many others feel this way but I’m sure a lot of women has “dealt” with it because I’m sure their man gave them a bunch of excuses and they are trusting and believe them. Strip clubs are still in business for a reason and it’s not the beer that men go there for. Do you think that would be different if it’s on tv? Men are being programmed to be voyeurs...and they are liking it so much that they feel they need a bunch of excuses to keep it around.

I am frustrated that this is considered a phobia.

I can't describe how much this affects my life. I am such a passionate and loving person - Like I put my fiancee over everything. I have zero interest in watching television shows, movies, etc. They have become nothing but vulgar disgusting filth for the most part. Almost every single show or movie I have tried to watch has a tit, an ass, etc, etc. I feel so uncomfortable around it. It's even worse when I am with my fiancee.

At the beginning of my relationship everything was perfect. I completely trusted him and everything was fine. Then slowly, I started noticing him checking out women when we go out, or I started noticing all of the disgusting shows he watched. I tried not to let it bother me, but I was lying to myself. I had to say something. I told him how it made me feel, and how it hurt my feelings that he was comfortable just laying beside me in a bed, watching some show with a girls boobs flapping around. I do not think it is respectful to me, or a relationship. If he was a single man, fine. You can do what you want, but I feel like when you decide to commit yourself to someone, there has to be some sort of line drawn. Since bringing that up years ago, we have mostly stopped watching any type of movie, and we never watch TV. I have zero interest.

It got worse because we have 2 kids now, one with special needs, and my confidence has slowly drifted away. I work from my home, and we rarely leave the house. I got to a point where I would cry because I felt so betrayed and hurt at times when we would go out and he will blatantly stare at someone, or do a complete 180 when a half dressed girl walked by.

Now he has started literally hating me. He belittles me almost on a daily basis, and I have to walk on egg shells with what I say. I do not trust him at all, and I constantly feel like he is waiting for me to walk away, so he can hurt me more.

He always brings up things, saying "This isn't normal" or "everyone else does this". He wants me to be fine with him watching other women parade around, and basically watch people have sex. Why is it normal for people to watch other people have sex?

He knows how it all makes me feel. He knows it hurts me, and he doesn't care. It's not like our personal life is lacking either.. I am exhausted. He sometimes wants to have sex 2, 3 or sometimes even 4 times a day. I always do it, and I don't complain.

He knows that I care about him, and I love him. I want to make him happy, and I completely cater my life to what he wants, other then 1 thing, which is watching these stupid shows or movies. And he treats me like literal dirt for thinking this way. It has gotten to a point where I am literally starting to feel worthless, because I read online, and apparently the majority of people have no issue with this. I want to say that I wish I felt the same as them, but I don't. He compares me to these people all the time, and I hate it. I hate being a minority in this thinking, but I truly do not think it is right. It's what the world is becoming, and it's sad.

[beatricemom]

I am so sorry that your husband makes you feel bad for asking for respect. I get all kinds of excuses on why it’s ok to watch the stuff too from my boyfriend but that is a boundary of mine and you are deserving of this boundary for yourself also. There should be no reason why a man needs to look at another woman sexually like that when they are in a relationship. So many others feel this way but I’m sure a lot of women has “dealt” with it because I’m sure their man gave them a bunch of excuses and they are trusting and believe them. Strip clubs are still in business for a reason and it’s not the beer that men go there for. Do you think that would be different if it’s on tv? Men are being programmed to be voyeurs...and they are liking it so much that they feel they need a bunch of excuses to keep it around.

I am frustrated that this is considered a phobia.

I can't describe how much this affects my life. I am such a passionate and loving person - Like I put my fiancee over everything. I have zero interest in watching television shows, movies, etc. They have become nothing but vulgar disgusting filth for the most part. Almost every single show or movie I have tried to watch has a tit, an ass, etc, etc. I feel so uncomfortable around it. It's even worse when I am with my fiancee.

At the beginning of my relationship everything was perfect. I completely trusted him and everything was fine. Then slowly, I started noticing him checking out women when we go out, or I started noticing all of the disgusting shows he watched. I tried not to let it bother me, but I was lying to myself. I had to say something. I told him how it made me feel, and how it hurt my feelings that he was comfortable just laying beside me in a bed, watching some show with a girls boobs flapping around. I do not think it is respectful to me, or a relationship. If he was a single man, fine. You can do what you want, but I feel like when you decide to commit yourself to someone, there has to be some sort of line drawn. Since bringing that up years ago, we have mostly stopped watching any type of movie, and we never watch TV. I have zero interest.

It got worse because we have 2 kids now, one with special needs, and my confidence has slowly drifted away. I work from my home, and we rarely leave the house. I got to a point where I would cry because I felt so betrayed and hurt at times when we would go out and he will blatantly stare at someone, or do a complete 180 when a half dressed girl walked by.

Now he has started literally hating me. He belittles me almost on a daily basis, and I have to walk on egg shells with what I say. I do not trust him at all, and I constantly feel like he is waiting for me to walk away, so he can hurt me more.

He always brings up things, saying "This isn't normal" or "everyone else does this". He wants me to be fine with him watching other women parade around, and basically watch people have sex. Why is it normal for people to watch other people have sex?

He knows how it all makes me feel. He knows it hurts me, and he doesn't care. It's not like our personal life is lacking either.. I am exhausted. He sometimes wants to have sex 2, 3 or sometimes even 4 times a day. I always do it, and I don't complain.

He knows that I care about him, and I love him. I want to make him happy, and I completely cater my life to what he wants, other then 1 thing, which is watching these stupid shows or movies. And he treats me like literal dirt for thinking this way. It has gotten to a point where I am literally starting to feel worthless, because I read online, and apparently the majority of people have no issue with this. I want to say that I wish I felt the same as them, but I don't. He compares me to these people all the time, and I hate it. I hate being a minority in this thinking, but I truly do not think it is right. It's what the world is becoming, and it's sad.

How healthy is this relationship? Of course, the first strong feelings in everyday life disappear, but you need to respect each other. be support for each other. And if one person oppresses another, then this is already a toxic relationship that is doomed to break. In such a situation, you can turn to a psychologist if you want to keep the relationship. But I don't think there is a future for this relationship. This is an unhealthy situation where a woman plays the role of a victim day after day and breaks herself.