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arghhhhh

Sometimes you just need to let off steam...
needtogetbetter
Posts: 118
Joined: Fri Jun 03, 2016 8:59 pm

arghhhhh

Postby needtogetbetter » Tue Apr 18, 2017 11:31 am

My sons father is making me angry never helps with our son unLess its his weekend then wants to drop off early etc late picking up ignores me when i ask for any help for emergencies til i get uptight and angry. I miss out on everything i want to do then his dad comes infringing on my weekends because he wants to do things when he has our son its left for me to sort out getting him to a football match miles away now that HE signed him up too without telling me id have to take my son 3 times a week been doing it 2 years now almost, but i want to do the best for my son so always feel guilty Im struggling taking him on my weekends as i had a car accident a year ago (hit and run) and im really anxious at driving anywhere other than local and im passing this stress onto my son as we are always late as i get in a tizzle then i get upset feel a failure etc i just seem to have pressure everywhere right now. Outside things are effecting me and i barely want to go out anywhere for fear of what i see and how it affects me. I seen a puppy ran over twice recently neither driver stopped i did to try catch the pup it really affected me as i know if the drivers had been paying attention they would not have hit the dog, failing to stop aswell. Then i seen someone had found dogs in a canal in carrier bags yesterday, i see poverty and beggars all around, scammers, i was poorly and sent to hospital with a chest infection and had to fight off being sectioned as because i asked for water and was struggling to breath and they wouldnt give me anything after finally discharging myself due to the "care" i received apparently i was erratic once she had questioned what meds i was on it gave her the ticket to say i was erratic to cover the crap way she treated me whilst i was there for nearly 6 hrs. I was also treated like crap when i took my son to the hospital with a football injury because he flagged up social services had been involved im sick of it the man from local shop was stabbed to death just weeks after taking over in a robbery i just see the world so bad i just dont want to see this real stuff as it affects me so iv taken to staying in but that can be hard with my son so i stick to my routine then his dad does stuff like this throws me all over the place as he is just so so selfish and i really get annoyed how judgemental he is of me even though he knows everything about my MH as told to him by my sons bloody school! something i never gave them permission to do!! My dad died December and im trying to cope with this as now thats both parents iv lost and i have no other family, i fell out with sister 6 years ago, my oldest nephew barely sees us unless he needs a place to say when in my area as he is in the army, i feel sorry for my son he is always worried about being alone as he sees how alone i am. I do have friends but fell out with a few when MH got worse as they just didnt understand and was a bit judgemental i feel and dont bother anymore, others are just really busy and im not in the right place to socialise anyway. Just needed to rant to stop it going round in my head making me feel worse. xx thank u for reading my grumbles x

Isap
Posts: 1592
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: arghhhhh

Postby Isap » Tue Apr 18, 2017 1:51 pm

Hi ntgb

Good to get it off your chest. You're a caring and excellent mum despite your illness and awful ex. You can only do the best you can under the circumstances.

Yes its s horrible world we live in but we have to accept the reality of it and try not to shrink from it. Fortunately there are still some good people around and you only need one or two.

I'm in danger of falling out with my younger brother, he calls once a week for about one minute to ask how I am without showing any genuine concern, I'd prefer he just left me alone

Isap x

needtogetbetter
Posts: 118
Joined: Fri Jun 03, 2016 8:59 pm

Re: arghhhhh

Postby needtogetbetter » Wed Nov 08, 2017 12:18 am

hi wow iv just read my post i havent been on here since then, iv been battling on and had the usual bad experiences had some positive ones tho so not all bad. still struggling tho without any kind of help for the bpd and ptsd im on tabs for the anxiety but im unsure if they are working as im still very very anxious. Still focussing on being the best mother i can be. Thanks for the reply isap how are things your end.

Isap
Posts: 1592
Joined: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:13 pm

Re: arghhhhh

Postby Isap » Wed Nov 08, 2017 12:18 pm

Hi needtogetbetter

Great to hear from you again. Its good that you are getting some good days, try and focus more on those positives.

As for the anxiety meds, if its pregabalin them it can be difficult to know if they are working. With benzos, you should know after an hour. Try not to worry too much about your meds, I'm surviving on ADs that don't do anything. If I wasn't in jail I'd change them.

As I said before, you're an excellent mum and I don't know how you manage to cope but you do

Isap xx

amaya
Posts: 731
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: arghhhhh

Postby amaya » Wed Nov 08, 2017 11:40 pm

I just read this. We have a similar diagnosis. If meds are the only support you have and you are also looking after a child, it isn't even. The world is harsh and you are highly sensitive.. me too. This is a good thing, but it makes us vulnerable. I cannot more highly recommend going to your GP and asking for a referral to a psychiatrist. Getting a meds review and asking for some therapy. Maybe even a support worker to help with some of the day to day challenges that have to be faced while the deeper issues are waiting for some therapy.

When I was younger I didn't understand why looking around at the world didn't make people want to throw up. I saw the horrors around and I was physcially sick. I didn't know about my diagnosis.. I didn't know what I was feeling was anxiety. But there is a way through it all, just not gonna be easy without extra help. But I think if you can get some, you can make it through. Because being sensitive also makes you very able to be awesome in life and relationships if you can learn to keep your vulnerable parts safe, the deep emotions are a powerful force for good :)

needtogetbetter
Posts: 118
Joined: Fri Jun 03, 2016 8:59 pm

Re: arghhhhh

Postby needtogetbetter » Fri Nov 24, 2017 3:02 am

hey thanks Isap im on Setraline so not too sure which type they are. Hope your as well as you can be.

HI Amaya thanks for the reply i have tried to get treatment and im totally pushed away from anything but CBT iv tried this three times and it just doesnt work iv asked about alternatives and to no avail. I once rang my local mind and asked if they did mentalisation classes i got a reply of whats that? lol iv not tried since iv just researched and self soothed as whenever i ask for help i hit a brick wall and after what happened in the hospital in Feb i feel too vunerable x

beach
Posts: 126
Joined: Sat Apr 22, 2017 6:52 pm

Re: arghhhhh

Postby beach » Mon Nov 27, 2017 8:10 pm

Hi there, just a note about the driving and anxiety. I have a relaxation cd that I only play in the car, and it is playing whenever I drive. It puts me into 'safe, relaxed driving mode'. Its not the kind that guides you deep into a wood :) so its safe, you wouldn't find yourself in a trance or asleep at the wheel. What it really does is create a calm consistency, so that ups and downs of mood do not affect your driving. Might you find this helpful?

With regard to seeing all those sad things, I can understand where you are coming from. Ive helped a few animals off the roads these past five years. People like us seem to attract these situations to us. Unfortunately some cannot be saved. It is so sad. But to have had you in the vicinity is a good thing. Their spirit was watched over by someone kind. Keep looking out, it sounds like you are a rescuer.

Hope you are in a better place this evening, all the best, beach :) x

amaya
Posts: 731
Joined: Sun Oct 08, 2017 9:23 pm

Re: arghhhhh

Postby amaya » Mon Nov 27, 2017 10:29 pm

Sertraline is an effective SSRI. It works by blocking serotonin receptors in the synapses (gaps between nerves in the brain). Serotonin helps to transmit messages accross the gaps and it is a major part of how your brain is able to function. I believe it is produced in sleep. Low levels have been connected with depression. By blocking the receptors the sertraline tricks your brain into producing extra. This can lead to a rocky time while you are taking them for the first time or when you are coming off them. But once you have the dose right and have been steadily taking them for a while it does improve brain function which helps with depression and anxiety symptoms. Basically like getting a good nights sleep. I have used them before for depressive periods and they are effective for me, but not for everyone.

For BPD and PTSD there is no medication that works directly. It is sometimes good to take meds for various conditions that come alongside, like anxiety, depression, sleep problems, sometimes mood stabilisers can help. But really the answer is treatment. Mentalisation (MBT) is really good for BPD but there are so many different BPD treatments out there and it depends what is on offer in your area and what your symptoms are exactly as to which is the best fit. I probably have both these conditions even though I haven't had a full diagnostic process yet so I can't be sure. I know lots about BPD but less about what treatment is good for PTSD. On the road of discovery with that one myself.

I do know that CBT can sometimes make a person with these conditions worse, not always, but sometimes yes. For me that happened. CBT addresses problems from a cognitive standpoint, which is ideal for depression or anxiety diagnoses without other underlying conditions. However for personality disorders or trauma related illnesses it is not thorough enough and a more experiential or relational approach is necessary. A typical treament for BPD for example will be usually more intensive than one session per week and will last at least a year and sometimes three. CBT courses for depression can be effective for some people in just eight weeks. But for people like us with more complex needs it raises issues that it is not equipped to deal with, and that is why it can make you feel worse until you get some proper help.

Mind will not be able to provide mental health treatments like MBT, but they might be able to offer advice and support in engaging with the mental health team. They also might have fun activities with others who are struggling that will help keep you sane whilst waiting for help. I used to go to an art group and found it really helpful. They are kind of something to use parallel to your real treatment instead of in the place of it.

I think you have to speak to a psychiatrist on the community mental health team. If you don't already have one then you need to ask your GP for a referral. If the psychiatrist won't give you what you need then ask to speak to another one. You have the right to a second and a third opinion if needs me. Maybe someone can come with you to the appointments? There will probably be some pushing you will have to do, annoying because you deserve them to care without that, but it is the way it is so you will probably have to push. Then there will be waiting. And you might not get along with every professional and have to ask for someone else sometimes. But if you get repeating that you want the help, and that you need it and that the short CBT courses are not appropriate treatment for you, then eventually someone will listen. It is hard, but you have to do it if you want to wake up one day in a less vulnerable condition.

I am currently in the same fight here in Holland, probably with the same diagnosis and so you are not alone. The vulnerability is a horrible feeling. Here is a *hug* from someone who gets it.


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