Jungle Gym -my garden

[christabel]

Hi b

Have replied on other page.
X Chris

[teamn]

BIR

life is funny, I had to re read my message to recap on what was wrong, at the time it feels so maganamous abd real , now, two weeks later I barely remember.

It’s true what yiu write about the wars of handling

It was very difficult as I silent my entire life, never getting close or leaning or trustin or getting help from anyone, never wanting to cry, hating any vulnerability in my self , then during my breakdown I was advised all of the above was positive abd I should let people in and help, so I did. To then be made to feel like I’m a drain, or to feel that my words are unheard abd I still have to support myself.

So your comment of balance is excellent, just made me realise that I’m still learning how to receive from others, I’m fantastic at giving that’s never a problem, people ca n lean on me all day long, but definitely seems that I need more work on how to receive abd how to lean on others, as my annoyance stems from that quite often what they give is not very useful,

Dear Teamn,
It has been a few days,
I hope things are reasonably well with you.

Funnily enough, it was the ending of a friendship that initially brought me to the SANE forum. I had depended on a dear friend for a while to support me and I in turn supported her - but unfortunately it became a bit stifling - never good.

So thinking a lot about heart ache and friendships.
Now thinking more about what I can bring and give to a friendship.
I am aware of when I am in deep emotional pain and I am aware that I can find ways to soothe away the pain without having to lean heavily on others. I am aware - but I am not there yet.

When I feel traumatised, I am finding that mindful activities like knitting are very helpful.
Eating cake means I feel better - but that's just a temporary fix and going down that course of action leads to feelings of guilt so not such a good idea,

so, that's me - I have to say mindfulness meditations - being aware of the pain and letting it was over...
knowing that it will pass is one of the helpful things that I have found.

Now I am learning to give in a friendship---but not all that I have, and to receive help without being a drain on a friend's resources.

Being compassionate and kind to ourselves comes into it somewhere too.

Wishing you well.
B

[betterinrecovery]

Dear Teamn,
I hear what you are saying about being vulnerable to others.

I have to say that there are some that I definitely would not open my heart to. Some can be at best careless with the feelings and situations of others, for what ever reason. Some people are very ill, that is not a problem in itself, but if we that are ill lack self awareness we can say or do things that are counter productive and can hurt ourselves or people confiding in us.

I have thought of something - call it the chair test if you will.
When we want to sit on a chair we make sure it is sound and that it can take our weight, then we sit down. all things being equal means that we should be supported by the design and make up of the chair. We wouldn't necessarily sit on a child's chair, if we were grown up and six foot tall.

We (I) have to assess the situation (person) that we want to confide in - are they sound enough to take the load?
Also will they (Do they) respect us and will they keep our confidence?
Have they got the resources to help us?

Do they really want to help or do they have a different agenda?
This goes for professionals as well as friends and family, I think.

I know you already know this, I just want to agree with what you are saying.

This comes from (painful, painful, painful) personal experience.

In times of crisis, we do need to lean heavily on others, then as we recover a bit we become less emotionally reliant on people in this way.

Thank you for bringing this thorny subject up,
Thank you.

B

[betterinrecovery]

Dear Forum members and readers of this thread,

I am sorry to report that because of the toad(s) and Frogs(s) in the garden, I have not dug over the little corner that has the potatoes---
this was a mistake,
yesterday, I was brave enough to dig for potatoes, and I found that some of them had begun to rot in the ground.
Never mind.

I will be brave - I will dig potatoes

[christabel]

[betterinrecovery]

Hello! Hello to you Chris and readers of this thread!!!

Yes, you may laugh Chris, actually please do! - and guess what?
This morning I went to the outside water tap ( the courgette plants and the tomatoes are desperate for water) and guess what (again?)

There was a green and brown toad thing nestled near to the tap!!!!!!!
Does that mean that I will not be able to go near the tap for a while? probably!

There is something about them - the toads and frogs and for that matter the slugs, that gets me very stressed...not sure why...maybe their sudden movements (not the slugs).
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Another thing that gets me very stressed is meeting up with people I went to school with (why?)...
Their children are at Oxford or work in the City, yardy yardy yarda.
I do not have kids ---- are people intentionally cruel? or just very very self centred?

Anyway, I took myself to meet up with them - so I wasn't very clever myself......
and now very, very poorly after the event.
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Well Chiris,
have you any ideas for overcoming the fear of toads, frogs and slimy things?

Best wishes
B

[christabel]

B the only thing that comes to mind at the moment is perhaps if you could attract the critters to their own area. If we can find something that would appeal to them more than your potato patch or tap.

Will have a think about this.

I only bother with people who are worth bothering with. Don't upset yourself over people because they likely only talk about the good bits. Brag,Brag,brag. Pride as they say comes before a fall.

Try to be proud of the compassionate and interesting person you are. Hug. Chris

[betterinrecovery]

Dear Chris,
just to let you know that I am digging over the compost heap and leaving toad friendly spaces for our amphibian friends
I was really pleased to dig up a wheel barrow of well rotted garden material - I layer the compost bin with torn up news paper - confidential correspondence (the shredder has broken)- then vegetable peelings and food waste.

Thank you for your hug and for saying that I am compassionate and interesting - that's nice.
May I give you a hug back? hug.


I was really sad, but I am on the mend. I think it is show ourselves some compassion and kindness.
I don't do this as often as I would like to.

Hope things are reasonably well with you.

B

[betterinrecovery]

p.s.
I think I might get a very good crop of tomatoes this year - I grew them from seed and grew them on in supermarket carrier bags. I think I might be making some green tomato chutney.

B

[christabel]

Thinking of you and your garden friends.

X Chris