Just thought I would post to let anyone else out there who is considering not having a Christmas tree ( and feeling guilty about that) that it is OK NOT TO PUT UP THE CHRISTMAS TREE this year!
Geeeesh...................... what a palava in my house over a tree! Yes, I have depression. Yes I am having a rough couple of months. But say you are not going to put up the Christmas decorations and everyone around me goes into "Oh my god, she is sooooo depressed mode." No, I am not. (Well, yes I am) but not putting the Christmas tree up is not because I want to sit and be miserable in a darkened room. It is a practical solution to minimising my stress to help me with this bout.
I am too tired to get up in the loft and get the boxes down and too tired to spend hours putting the thing together and too tired to take it all down again in a few weeks. Yes, I really am too tired. I was a raving insomniac before my depression anyway, but as you can imagine, half an hour of grabbed fitful sleep here and there, plus depression makes for a wey fun life!
So I think practically - I am Juuuuuuuuust about managing to get out of bed, wash, dress, go to work and perform adequately, come home and repeat, occasionally I even remember to eat and brush my teeth - those are the good days! And If I am having an awesome day I can actually, in the span of a whole day, manage to put the washing on and get it out and hang it out to dry too. Great. ( No seriously - I look on these days as well done coz little achievements are good right)
So, why do my family have trouble understanding that the thought of putting up a Christmas tree which lets face it, takes the best part of a day, is a no-no for me?
I said a few weeks ago that I wasn't putting the decorations up this year because I had enough to do and I was stressing myself out worrying about having the time and energy to put the tree up. So, simple solution, lets not do the tree this year. Problem solved.
I actually love Christmas, not the stress that goes with it, but the general feeling of cheeriness and good will etc etc, so I am not an anti Christmas person at all. And in fact, my mother is Mrs Santa Claus in disguise. So, her house looks utterly amazing and me and hubby are always over there, so we get to enjoy the benefit of her wonderful decorations and I love it when I walk into my moms sparkly Christmassy house.
Anyhoo - the whole thing blew up into quite a row as my family tried to tell me that my "not wanting to put a Christmas tree up was a sign of how bad my depression was" and I argued that my "not wanting to put a Christmas tree up was a sign of how WELL I was managing this bout with practical solutions to minimise my inner demon voices and remove my stress to a manageable level".
So I just thought I would post about it. If anyone else doesn't want to put a tree up because of the stress and faff it will cause you, adding to your stress and depression - then don't do it! Tell the gits trying to persuade you to do it (be they in your head or those around you) that they need to get a life and the world will not end just because you don't have a Christmas tree.
I know, I know - I am a complete anarchist really and I shall probably be smited by the Christmas gods because I have actually managed to persuade my family that not only are we not having a tree, we are not having a traditional Christmas dinner ( nice steak and salad instead which we all prefer) and we are not doing pressies either coz we are going to go shopping after Christmas to buy things together calmly.
As I was walking through town the other day to put a chq into the bank at lunchtime and experienced the utter madness of Christmas bedlam shopping - I was left wondering how it is that i am supposed to be the crazy one????
Everyone seems to be going crazy with christmas stress and my family will be chilled out, eating our favourite food, spending time together and laughing (well, not me obviously, I will be in a dark mood in the corner!) and generally enjoying the spirit of Christmas.(grumbling at the repeated crap on TV, arguing over who cheated at scrabble, mum yelling at us turning the Christmas tree decorations back to front, who's turn is it to make the teas etc etc........normal stuff!) - Errrr...........I think the depressed persons plan wins here!!!!!!!
So go ahead ............... be depressed and sod the tree!