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Jokes

If it makes you smile...
sirhugo
Posts: 445
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby sirhugo » Wed Nov 22, 2017 10:48 pm

Yeah right Mihaela :D

And it's not witchcraft. It's magic ;)

stanley
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue Dec 12, 2017 11:10 am

Re: Jokes

Postby stanley » Wed Dec 13, 2017 5:57 am

A man says to a friend, “My wife is on a three-week diet.”

“Oh, yeah? How much has she lost so far?” asks his pal.

He replies, “Two weeks.”

Source: Funny in Canada Survey

mihaela
Posts: 1073
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2016 12:42 am
Location: Lancashire and Moldova

Re: Jokes

Postby mihaela » Sun Dec 17, 2017 10:41 am

Hehe!
Here are some Christmas cracker jokes from the party I went to yesterday:

Why did the golfer carry a spare pair of trousers? In case he got a hole in one.
What do you call a penguin in the desert? Lost.
What animal needs oiling? Mice, because they squeeeak!
What's furry and minty? A polo bear.

sirhugo
Posts: 445
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby sirhugo » Sun Dec 17, 2017 12:09 pm

son: dad can i have a glass of water?

dad: you've already had six glasses

son: i know but my rooms on fire

deb1960
Posts: 1658
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby deb1960 » Thu Jan 04, 2018 5:38 pm

Oh dear. oh dear. But I did smile.

sirhugo
Posts: 445
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby sirhugo » Thu Jan 11, 2018 10:11 am

the worst jokes are often the best :D

would you like to hear a joke about a rope? or would you rather skip it? :D :lol:

gsb
Posts: 18
Joined: Fri Apr 13, 2018 1:52 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby gsb » Sun Apr 15, 2018 3:58 pm

Piece of black tarmac walks into a bar, buys a drink and drinks it and leaves.

Five minutes later a piece of green tarmac storms into the bar and asks the bartender,"Have you seen any other tarmac around here?"

"Yeah" says the barman, "Piece was in here 5 minutes ago then left"

The green piece of tarmac storms out.

10 minutes later the black piece of tarmac staggers into the bar. He's been beaten up.

"Did you tell a green piece of tarmac I was around here?" He asks the barman

"Yeah, why not?"

"Couldn't you see?" exclaims the black tarmac,"He's a cycle path!"
"There's no wreckage that's too broken to rebuild"

deb1960
Posts: 1658
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby deb1960 » Tue Apr 17, 2018 10:14 am

Thank you for making me laugh

Deb x

sirhugo
Posts: 445
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby sirhugo » Sat Apr 21, 2018 1:01 pm

A man goes up to the bar to order a pint. The barman says to him "do you want to see something cool?" "yeah go on then" the man replies. the barman pulls out a tiny piano and a tiny man, about 12 inches high, sits down starts playing Beethoven.

man: where the hell did you get that?
barman: I found a lamp. I rubbed it and a genie popped out and granted me 3 wishes
man: damn I wished id found it first
barman: I've still got the lamp. you want a shot?
man: yes please

the man takes the lamp and rubs. the genie pops out

man: genie, I wish to be the worlds greatest fuck

the genie snaps his fingers. immediately the man turns into a duck.

man: what the hell?
barman: oh yeah I forgot to warn you. the genies hard of hearing
man: how'd you know that?
barman: you really think I wished for a twelve inch pianist??????

christabel
Posts: 2002
Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2014 4:49 am

Re: Jokes

Postby christabel » Sat Jun 02, 2018 6:14 pm

Ida and Evaline standing outside care home having a drink and cigarette when it starts to rain.

Ida pulls a condom out of her pocket cuts the end off and slips it over her ciggie. 'What are you doing' Evaline asks.

Ida replies ' it's the best way of keeping my cigarette dry, you should try it'
So, next day Evaline goes to pharmacy and asks for packet of condoms. The young sales assistant blushes having to ask a ninety year old what brand and size she requires.

Evaline states she does mind which brand it is as long as it fits a camel.
;)


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