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Jokes

If it makes you smile...
sirhugo
Posts: 263
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby sirhugo » Wed Nov 22, 2017 10:48 pm

Yeah right Mihaela :D

And it's not witchcraft. It's magic ;)

stanley
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue Dec 12, 2017 11:10 am

Re: Jokes

Postby stanley » Wed Dec 13, 2017 5:57 am

A man says to a friend, “My wife is on a three-week diet.”

“Oh, yeah? How much has she lost so far?” asks his pal.

He replies, “Two weeks.”

Source: Funny in Canada Survey

mihaela
Posts: 1068
Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2016 12:42 am
Location: Lancashire and Moldova

Re: Jokes

Postby mihaela » Sun Dec 17, 2017 10:41 am

Hehe!
Here are some Christmas cracker jokes from the party I went to yesterday:

Why did the golfer carry a spare pair of trousers? In case he got a hole in one.
What do you call a penguin in the desert? Lost.
What animal needs oiling? Mice, because they squeeeak!
What's furry and minty? A polo bear.

sirhugo
Posts: 263
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby sirhugo » Sun Dec 17, 2017 12:09 pm

son: dad can i have a glass of water?

dad: you've already had six glasses

son: i know but my rooms on fire

deb1960
Posts: 1427
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby deb1960 » Thu Jan 04, 2018 5:38 pm

Oh dear. oh dear. But I did smile.

sirhugo
Posts: 263
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby sirhugo » Thu Jan 11, 2018 10:11 am

the worst jokes are often the best :D

would you like to hear a joke about a rope? or would you rather skip it? :D :lol:

gsb
Posts: 16
Joined: Fri Apr 13, 2018 1:52 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby gsb » Sun Apr 15, 2018 3:58 pm

Piece of black tarmac walks into a bar, buys a drink and drinks it and leaves.

Five minutes later a piece of green tarmac storms into the bar and asks the bartender,"Have you seen any other tarmac around here?"

"Yeah" says the barman, "Piece was in here 5 minutes ago then left"

The green piece of tarmac storms out.

10 minutes later the black piece of tarmac staggers into the bar. He's been beaten up.

"Did you tell a green piece of tarmac I was around here?" He asks the barman

"Yeah, why not?"

"Couldn't you see?" exclaims the black tarmac,"He's a cycle path!"
"There's no wreckage that's too broken to rebuild"

deb1960
Posts: 1427
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby deb1960 » Tue Apr 17, 2018 10:14 am

Thank you for making me laugh

Deb x

sirhugo
Posts: 263
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:40 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby sirhugo » Sat Apr 21, 2018 1:01 pm

A man goes up to the bar to order a pint. The barman says to him "do you want to see something cool?" "yeah go on then" the man replies. the barman pulls out a tiny piano and a tiny man, about 12 inches high, sits down starts playing Beethoven.

man: where the hell did you get that?
barman: I found a lamp. I rubbed it and a genie popped out and granted me 3 wishes
man: damn I wished id found it first
barman: I've still got the lamp. you want a shot?
man: yes please

the man takes the lamp and rubs. the genie pops out

man: genie, I wish to be the worlds greatest fuck

the genie snaps his fingers. immediately the man turns into a duck.

man: what the hell?
barman: oh yeah I forgot to warn you. the genies hard of hearing
man: how'd you know that?
barman: you really think I wished for a twelve inch pianist??????


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