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Jokes

If it makes you smile...
christabel
Posts: 2017
Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2014 4:49 am

Re: Jokes

Postby christabel » Fri Jan 08, 2016 12:32 pm

Oh nooooo Emily. Thanks for making me smile/groan. :? :lol: xxx.

emily67
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu Jan 07, 2016 5:58 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby emily67 » Fri Jan 08, 2016 4:39 pm

no problem!.

i'm hoping to post more in the next few days.

laughter is good for the soul!

emily67
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu Jan 07, 2016 5:58 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby emily67 » Sat Jan 09, 2016 12:14 pm

woman standing outside a supermarket
she's standing by her car, crying.

she starts a silent prayer to god: dear god, please, please, let me get home to my sick son. i've left my keys in my car and i can't get home. i need to give him this medication.. please, help me!

just then she gets a call from her babysitter at home, to informs her that her son is getting worse

just as she's about to give up, a car pulls up and a man gets out, and walks over to the woman

he asks, is their something i can do?

the woman explains that she's locked herself out of her car, and needs to get home to her sick son

without a word, the man goes round to the drivers side and unlocks the car.

the woman hugs the man and says to him, oh, thank you thank you so much!. you're a very good man

he replies, no, i'm not a good man. i just got out of prison for car feft

the woman hugs him again, gets in the car, and silently whispers her thanks to god... thanks for not only helping me, but sending me a professional!

emily67
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu Jan 07, 2016 5:58 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby emily67 » Sat Jan 09, 2016 12:19 pm

woman calls the hospital.

when the operator answers, she asks- can i check the health of hellen white?. room 302. thank you!

their's a shuffling of records, and then the voice at the other end:

hellen white.. 302. she's doing great!. she's eaten 2 full meals, she's off the heart monitor and doctors are positive that she'll be going home tomorrow!

woman says, oh, that's great!.

operator asks: you must be her sister?. her mother?. a close friend?

woman replies, no, i'm hellen white in room 302. you don't honestly think anyone's going to tell me anything while i'm here, do you?

emily67
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu Jan 07, 2016 5:58 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby emily67 » Sat Jan 09, 2016 12:23 pm

when a flight from florida to london turned back around and landed back at the american state, the passengers became worried and restless.

3 hours later, a shaky voice came on the PA system and anounced to the passengers that they would finally be taking off

1 man asked, what was wrong?. why did we land?

crew member replies, their's a problem with 1 of the engines.. it was making a weird noise

man: so it took 3 hours to fix the plain?

crew member: no. it took us 3 hours to find a pilot who would cope with the noise of the engine

emily67
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu Jan 07, 2016 5:58 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby emily67 » Sat Jan 09, 2016 12:28 pm

a father, rushing home from work, suddenly remembers it's his daughter's birthday and he needs to buy her a gift.

he finds the mall, rushes to the toy shop and asks the person behind the counter if they have any barbi dolls

the assistant starts showing him the various dolls.. barbie at the beach for 9 pounds, barbie's sleep over for 9 pounds, barbie the hairdresser for 9 pounds, barbie's halloween party for 9 pounds, and barbie gets a divorce for 100 pounds.

man asks, why is divorced barbie worth more than the others?

the assistant responds, because divorced barbie comes with ken's house, ken's boat, ken's plain, ken's furniture..

deb1960
Posts: 1699
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2016 8:14 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby deb1960 » Sun Jan 17, 2016 10:30 am

I love that joke Emily. It put a smile on my face. Not a lot does that lately!
Deb x

christabel
Posts: 2017
Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2014 4:49 am

Re: Jokes

Postby christabel » Sun Feb 21, 2016 8:01 pm

Watching natural world programme brought this to mind. Sorry.

How to catch a polar bear.

First make a big hole in the ice.

Then put a line of peas round the hole.

When a polar bear comes along for a pea kick it in the icehole.

I did say sorry. C

mezzaninedoor
Posts: 1045
Joined: Tue Jun 23, 2015 5:27 pm

Re: Jokes

Postby mezzaninedoor » Mon Feb 22, 2016 2:02 pm

Emily, thats terrific
Pun-tastic!

I think most of the jokes I know are a little rude ;)

greys0n
Posts: 11
Joined: Thu Mar 03, 2016 10:24 am

Re: Jokes

Postby greys0n » Thu Mar 03, 2016 10:41 am

Don't think of yourself as an ugly person.
Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey :D


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