No-one understands me. No-one gets me. I feel alone.
People think of me as worthless, or an attention seeker because I self harm. I started 6 months ago. My great-gran died, and my dog got put down. I was under a lot of stress, a lot of tension because I had no one to comfort me as other family members were mourning as well. All I had was my boyfriend but he still did not understand what I was going through. I would go to school, (I am a teen by the way) with a smile on my face just so I could hide my real feelings. I got so depressed, confused and upset, I had to find a way to deal with my feelings. I have Anxiety Disorder which made me situation worse.
One day, I was sitting in my room crying and crying because all I could think about was my dog and my brother. My brother died many years ago. Anyway, I lost control of my mind, my body. I went into a mode where I would do something, not knowing what I did till after the moment. I grabbed a sharpener and unscrewed the blade out of the case. I lifted up my shirt and I watched the blood go down my arm and onto my hand. I felt sudden relief. It was like all my anger and my depression just went. I felt more alive than ever, but moments after I realized what I did.
I started worrying about how to hide my cuts, and the scars from people. I would use make-up to cover it but it did not work too well. One day I went to school and I took my jumper off, forgetting about the scars and cuts, and people gasped in horror as they saw what was on my arm. I put my jumper back on quickly and ignored everyone who was questioning me. Rumors spread around the school about me self harming. My friends found out, my boyfriend found out and now everyone looks at me with a different perspective. A bad perspective. My parents don't know about it and I wish for them to not know as self harming is like an addiction. Really hard to stop.
Self harm is a way of coping. A way of crying out for help. I cut for certain reasons and those reasons are good enough for me.