Hello, I'm Kim. I have suffered from depression for most of my life. I've been diagnosed with manic-depressive disorder, a pretty general term for a wide range of problems, symptoms and issues. They said I had a chemical imbalance and that would explain a lot of things. But not every thing.
Which brings me to the next diagnoses:Moderate to severe post traumatic stress disorder. That one makes a lot of sense too. I've experienced things that can cause that. Abuse, molestation, abandonment, rape, blah, blah, blah...
I must qualify here that none of that was ever from my mother, she was a good mom. Also, that lots of good things have happened in my life Including knowing Jesus and knowing my son, Henry.
But it has been a struggle. It's hard to describe depression and the way I feel when it has me in it's grip. Sometimes the only release is to cut, but I don't do that very often, nor do I recommend it to others. Sometimes, I feel so bad that suicide seems like a pretty good idea but I can never do that because I will never do that. Then I get mad because there's no relief in sight. Just thinking about it now, I can feel my blood pressure going up and I could easily slide into panic, so I will stop.
Sometimes it seems like I can go months and feel alright and then WHAM!! It hits me outta the blue and harder than ever. I think to myself, "Hello darkness, my old friend..."