I needed some time alone, it is the only way I can revive, fighting to be free from my abusive marriage, struggling to be free from depression and anxiety. So many years worth of oppression and codependency having taken a huge toll on my physical and emotional health, that I feared I would not survive. My body and mind is scarred from desperately trying to cope, to keep myself afloat, to come out the other side.
I took my time alone in Tenby, West Wales, it was wonderful, while I was there, but the rebound homecoming was far worse than I could have anticipated. I had an experience on the beach, I wrote it down when I got to my hotel later, it is now kind of a poem, for me to remember that I must weather the storm, keep my head down, endure just a bit longer, believe in myself and it will come right, there is happiness and peace to be had, if I can just be brave enough to see it through. Almost there....
Alone just for me, time to think and recoup, recharge and relax,
An August day, unsettled and cold, waterproof coat, umbrella required.
A day by the sea, fresh beach, tide full out, few people, perfect.
The rockpools freshly filled, seaweed glistening in the sun.
The clouds became dark, thunder clapped, the wind was strong,
I headed for the boat slip to come off the beach,
The rain will be here in a few.
The rain came, slowly, then furiously, my umbrella required.
I stopped in my tracks, why go, why leave, why not enjoy?
I pulled the big brolley down over me and held it tight against the wind,
Walking head down looking at the shells in the tideline,
Safe and dry, listening to the rain and rumbles,
Looking up and all around, across the sea, no horizon, torrents falling from the sky, across the vast soulless beach,
Thunder clapped, the hail came mighty hard as I watched the sand spattering up my trouser legs.
Then, quiet, it stopped, sun shone, just like that.
I stood and stared in amazement at the sudden change in my environment,
No wind, no rain, warm sun, blue sky, angry clouds away in the distance.
It almost felt like an awakening, a spiritual moment,
Telling me that I had bravely weathered the storm, alone on the beach,
That I had the strength and determination to see it through,
And that I can now walk the beach in the sunshine and be confident that I can explore it in peace!