Hello i am called Sam i am 26 and i am always down. I havent been diagnosed with depression or anything as i wont ask for help, at the age of 15 i was excluded from school and i went well you could call it mad. I never went home, i got drunk all the time and ended up having the police out looking for me every night. Then one night the madness got out of my control, i was raped!!! by 3 men i thought i trusted.
I wont say exactly want happened that night but i can remember it like it was yesterday. I tried to get on with my life i went to college got some quialfications and got a job but the fear is always there. The danger that at any moment it can happen again. I didnt tell anyone about what happened i carried it around with me for years, until i was 23 and i was out like any normal person in the pub with friends and i was spiked. I ended up been raped again (i didnt know him) which brought back all the memories from before, I really wanted to die.
I told someone that time but they didnt help at all they made it worse, i ended up attemping suicide because i couldnt handle it on my own, i still cant!!!!
I self harm alot not i have done since i was 13 but it sometimes gets worse and sometimes too much.
I dont want to kill myself i just need to find help and support to get me through this darkness to the light i so want to see.