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jenamorrigan

When i was younger i was abused by a sibling, i never told...i was groomed by him and a friend of my other brother for sex i didn't realise until i read a magazine about sexual grooming that that is what happened to me. From the age of 8 i was sexually touched by sibling and then from age 11 by the friend, i thought i loved the friend. i still haven't told and i'm in my 30's.
I had my first child just after my 16th birthday and later had another 3 with the same partner. i suffered depression after the latter 2, untreated with the first case of depression after my 3rd child in '97 during which time i suffered the loss of a cousin who was 5, a niece who was same age as my daughter, my nan, grandad and then a little later my nephew at this time i was 20 years old and mother of 3. i tried to kill myself in 1998 at age 20 and was taken to hospital and treated, i received no help what so ever for the depression and trying to kill myself. i had been put on anti-depressants 3 mths previously when my daughter was 1yr, they changed my meds a week before i attempted suicide.
By 2000 my partner started to sexually abuse me because i would not 'give it up', i fell pregnant with child #4 and kicked partner out in '05.
Between all of this i received minimal help basically all i had was a support worker and that was it i crashed and social services got involved and i nearly lost my children, i got all the blame because i was the one with custody , i had no help with anything, i was suffering a breakdown i was a single mum with 4 kids and no family help it was just me and the kids and i was just living for them nothing else. At that point i was 98% housebound i could only leave the house with double the normal dose of diazapam sometimes triple, i was taken off anti-depressants, diagnosed with Panic Anxiety Disorder and severe grief reaction, i was told i didn't no longer suffer from depression.
The reason i'm here is because i'm scared and alone, i am now married and have had another 2 children but even in a crowded room i feel alone, hopeless and worthless no one here supports me they just get what they want and do what they want, i have no friends and i don't get out much but at least i'm no longer dependant on diazapam. I just wish i had received help before it got this bad.