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The journey...
Emylou79

Hello everyone! My story starts when my youngest child was just 3 days old, I experienced my usual migrain warning sign of partial blindness (Nice) so went to lie down with 2 paracetamols. An hour later I awoke to find my heart racing, my whole body sweating and tingling and the most God awful feeling of imminant death (Many of you are thinking - yep, been there had that, of course it was a Panic attack) However as I had never had one before and my Mum thought I was having a post-natal stroke she dialed 999. After several hours I fealt better in A and E. All tests came back normal although my pulse was high. I was fine for 3 days. Then my 2nd Panic/Anxiety attack - which lasted 2 days!! I couldn't cope and went to my out of hours GP, who after hearing what had happened immediatley diagnosed PND with Anxiety disorder, handed me 2 lots of meds and sent me home. I remember thinking 'what an idiot, this is the happiest time of my life - I'm not depressed!' Days turned into weeks, into months and eventually the the attacks were happening less often and I was coping with them much better as the Meds began to stabalise my Anxiety. After an initial assessment I was told by my Psych nurse I was doing great and to just carry on with what I was doing. I was SO determined to beat this, I had 3 beautiful children, fantastic family support and everything to live for. So fight, I did. However, 5 years on, fighting this battle seems so exhausting at times, family see me 'coping' and let me get on with life. (I am an amazing actress!) Some days are amazing and I'm so grateful to be alive and have my wonderful children, other days I could happily fall asleep and never wake up. It's a constant roller coaster, the ups are great, but the downs are really starting to wear-away my self asteem, my energy and my hope. Thank God for my children - they are the reason I drag my bones out of bed every day :D I'm looking forward to starting University in September as a mature student - the distraction of College last year was an instant life changing experience and I loved every second. I'm finding the holidays hard as I have little distraction (no assignments to get stuck into now) I find the less I do, the worse I feel?? So, I've decided to seek advice and share support with other like-minded people, in the hope that someone out there feels exactly the same and has a cure! lol No, seriously, any advice would be so appreciated! Sometimes I think I need to be reminded that I'm not the only person on the planet with problems and there are people with far worse conditions than mine. Also, even though I'm surrounded by people, as they havn't experienced any mental health issues I feel SO alone! Anyways, thanks for reading - sharing is caring :D Love from Em xxx