I met Dave a few years ago in a nightclub, I double taked him because he instantly caught my eye. We began chatting from there and arranged for him to come round my house one night to get to know each other better.
He showed up with red roses and a smile. the night went well and he caught a taxi home.
He started texting me quite alot and I thought this guy is a bit needy so I cooled off with him and we remained just friends for about 12 months. I had been though a 10year violent marraige and was still wary of men.
Dave kept chasing me as asking me to give him a chance. I suddenly couldn't get him out of my head so i did, we dated and fell in love. We was besotted with each other. All our friends would 'coo' round us because we was just so 'perfect'. Dave is what you would call a gentleman, loyal, decent, honest and a pure gentle giant.
Dave proposed to me on my 30th birthday while we was on holiday in the canary islands. Perfect!
A month after we came home we discovered I was pregnant, while taking the pill. Dave already had a daughter and suffered bad anxiety when she was born and left the family home. He and the childs mother were a 'one night stand' but tried to make a go for the baby. Didn't work, they didn't get on or even like each other very much. So we knew dave's anxiety was going to flare up again but we would deal with it together as the team that we are. I also have 2 daughters from my marriage.
We had a beautiful baby boy in February 2012. About a week after dave started getting panic attacks, crying saying he couldn't be a good dad. I assured him and we worked though.
He started to become very tired, getting chest pains, dizzyness, lost weight.. I begged him to see somebody but he wouldn't. He always assured me how much he loved me and was very affectionate until our baby was 4months old. We was due to get married in 12weeks and Dave became distant, angry and unrecognisable really. 1 week after these signs, he went to work and never came home. Messaged me to say he didn't love me anymore and didn't want this family.
Obviously his anxiety has led to deep depression. This isn't the man I know and love.
He spent a week on his mothers sofa being badgered by everybody to get help so he went to the DR. He told me he was on 'serotonin' strong dose of anti depressants. He then self referred himself for Cognitive behavioural therapy and attended 3 times a week.
He would now be 3 weeks into his medication and insists he still doesn't love me and can't come home. All he wants is his children and to be left alone by everybody else. He doesn't want to speak or hear from anybody, lock himself in a room away from the world. He also said he heard voices saying they was coming to get him.
My dad is seriously ill in hospital and if there was ever a time I need my fiance it's now but he's not here with us right now. I don't recognise this man.
Yesterday he switched his phone off, left it at his mothers, packed a bag and left. We don't know where he is. He phoned his sister today to say he's ok but that's it.
I hope he is just trying to get his head together but he really needs help and to stick to the meds and therapy. I spoke to his GP and several other places to try and get hold of his therapist but everywhere I tried had never heard of him so I'm very confused. He went into great detail with me about his therapy and homework he's been given so now i'm worrying that maybe he's been lying to us all, telling us what we want to hear.
I'm so sad and confused all the time and really want him home, just for a hug and to know he's safe. I can't believe he could just lose his feelings for me like this. We didn't argue or anything, just mutual respect and love for one another. You don't get a better relationship. I don't know how to go on without him, I feel like I'm just going through the motions with the children.