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Never Ending Cycle
Beautiful-Tragedy

Growing up a was used to seeing my mum in and out of hospital, ma dad working and me being the main one there for ma little brother that was just normality for me.
Ma parent's then split when i was 12 ma dad moved out n ma mum started drinking which a hated cause that usually meant a was gonna get hit for something. Dad however noticed the marks and tane me and ma brother to live with him. at 13 a started self harming and was diagnosed with depression. Just after ma 14 ma granddad died then 3 months later sexually abused and was being mentally abused as well by people who were meant to be my friend's so i tried to top myself then woke up in hospital 2 days later to a psych evaluation. A got home the next day and everything thing seamed to be quiet level till 4 months later when ma other granddad died. At that point a ended up looking after ma dad and brother but 4 weeks later ma dad was killed in a bike accident.
Ma gran tane me and ma brother to live with her. To say i went off the rail's would be an understatement i started drinking all the time, taking drugs and self harming alot to try numb the pain and thought's. When i was straight i was trying to hold it together long enough to look after everyone else then wondering what was so wrong with me that all these bad thing's kept happening to me. 9 months later a got some help got but on anti-d's and that seamed to help for a bit i think it would have continued helping if i didn't have to stopped taking them at 17 cause a fell pregnant. I had my little boy just after ma 18 but by then the depression had got the better of me and i ended up with PND so i got put back on my tablet's. 6 month's later my son's dad left me and got with someone i was really close to. I decided i didn't need ma tablet's or ma psych and started going of the rails again. From the moment a dropped ma son to his dad's to the day he came home i was wasted. That lasted 6 months before i went and got refered back to the psych this time she wanted to try the whole talking thing with me again though and after 3 months i was discharged. Didn't take long still i started getting though's thought's in my head and slipping in to old habits. Just over a year ago i was sent to dunrown day hospital and diagnosed wi Hypomania Bi-polar as well as clinical depression and anxiety disorder and was put on mood stabalizers with my anti d's and anti anxiety tablets. Till the last few months they worked fine not so much now. My moods are irregular which put's me out a bit. I start attending the mood clinic soon along with doing EMDR trama treatment which we're hoping will stable me out a bit.