Wednesday, July 4th 2012. Feeling absolutely appalling today.
No motivation, no energy, feeling tearful (again). Off to see the doctor
in a while, I even think that is an effort. Saw a psychiatrist yesterday and got
nowhere. Had to listen to my sister talk about what kind of life I've had. And I thought I was
the patient! Not easy sitting in the same room listening to the things you've done
wrong in your life. Came out feeling low, disinterested and uncared for by
the local CMHT. Must be the cutbacks, everything is time limited.
This morning, well I was due to go in to work, but I feel worthless,
and lethargic and want to cry. It's awful this, so why do I have to suffer
it. Well, it's all due to life events, and despite my best efforts,
they're taking over again. The demons are returning, and I feel unable
to stop them. Wish I could click a finger and everything will be ok.
Well it isn't, this is life and no magician can change this.
I'll see what the doctor says, but this is punishing stuff.
I'm not mad, I am mentally ill. There's a difference.