I have been suffering from depression on and off for 5 years. I am currently on anti depressant Fluoxetine and my current spell has lasted from July 2011 til now. For 8 months, I felt as good as I have done for ages. I now feel the time is right to withdraw from these and try and live a normal happy life. Easier said than done of course.
The last week has seen a stable high come crashing down to a dispiriting low. In fact I rate this as worse than having the illness itself. Picture the scene:- foggy, muzzy dizzy spells, lack of coordination and balance, fatigue, panic attacks, crying spells, low mood, lack of vitality and concentration. All this because my brain is telling me it's not ready to stop being fed its 20 mg dosage.
I feel like I'm trapped inside my own head. I've stopped going out and enjoying the things I have been doing. My friends are seeing my erratic behaviour and think "What the hell's going on here?". I enjoy cricket umpiring and being around people at my own club, but I'm starting to doubt myself again. I do chat with friends and family, but this is one horrible feeling. I even volunteer for this excellent organisation, but I've had to stop for the time being because of my lack of concentration and motivation,
Hopefully it is only a temporary setback, and I can recover back to how I was. I want to be me again, not some monster with erratic mood swings. I want to come off of these tabs for good, and go back to how I was pre depression days. Let no one kid you otherwise, mental illness and it's effects are probably the worst a person can feel. I am one of those people. I'll fight it though, you can be sure of that.