Clarification.

With clarification comes heartache and tears.
You realise who you've been and what you've been doing.
You realise the dangerous things you've done
And the hurtful words you've spoken.
Worst of all you remember the hearts you've injured and the souls you've shattered.
Clarification brings a shock to the system when you realise that's not who you really are
And that all the things you believed were true are not.
When clarification happens you realise your mind is broken
That it has been playing evil tricks on you and you believed it.
Your mind is unwell.
It's not you.
You’re not evil or a bad person
You're just unwell
It's an illness that is not recognised
It's a state of utter confusion
It's a dark scary place.
If you've really been there you know.
But only if you've REALLY been there.
It's more than feeling sad.
It's being in complete darkness.
It's not recognising who your loved ones are.
It's not recognising one’s self.
It's believing you've been abandoned, completely abandoned.
Nothing and no one can touch or hold you.
No one can tell you you're imagining it.
No one understands.
Your damaged mind makes you believe this.
It makes you believe everything you think or feel is reality.
It makes you believe the unbelievable.
YOUR mind is doing that.
Yours.
It's not well and realising that it's my brain that has lived this past year without my consent HURTS
Sunday 20th January 12
20.58