on nov 12 2011 my husband of 28 years tried to kill himself i had been out on a night out with friends and came home to find him lying in a pool of sick at the foot of our bed at first as the sick was red i thought it was blood and felt sick to my stomach but on closer inspection i found it was sick so i thought he was drunk i cleaned him up put him in bed which took me nearly 2 hours as i sat at his bed side mopping his head and giving him water i noticed the noose hanging from the loft hatch i felt so sick and completely paniced i sat with him all night and most of the morning he woke at about 1130 am and was so angry he was alive he was not happy with me for helping him he then spent the next 5 hours telling me he would try again if i left him alone i gave in after he tried again i lsft the room to make a drink and he got hold of one of my craft knives and tried to cut his femeral artary so i rang the gp and he rang the mh team they took him into a mh unit that night and he refused to allow me to go with him so my daughter had to go instead i was so upset that he blamed me i thought he would calm down and see me the next day but when i went to see him he sent me away i sat out side for hours but he would not see me i gave up and tried again later he saw me that night and he was very strange with me would not hug me or give me eye contact he refused to see me after the first visit and would not let me have any info about him he refused to allow me any contact with the docs and they just protected him from me as if i was the one that had hurt him i was very upset and confused i rang everyday but all i was alowed to know was weather he had a good night and what he had ate after two weeks he agreed to see me i was not sure weather to go or not but i went he spent the whole of the 2 hour visit telling me he was not comming home to me that he did not want to be with me any more and the last thing he said was i would rather be dead than come home to you
i have never felt more deverstated in my life
the next day he was supposed to be released but the adress he had given was out of the area and they would not allow him to go there but they did allow him out for the day he came to see me we talked for hours about genaral things no feelings no emotion just crap but i did not care as long as he was there after he left i was not sure why he came or weather he would come back again he was released 2 days later to a relative of mine
he came to see me and seemed distance but glad to be out of the unit i was just glad he was still talking to me so i played along with him and was careful not to ask him anything
he spoke to me every night on msn for hours about crap and as long as i did not talk about feeling for us or emotion he was happy to chatt with me he carried on comming down every other day after 2 weeks we talked about sex we agreed that we would never sleep with anyone else that we would just stay friends with benifits i thought i could handle it and at first i did but the more often he came back the more we slept together the more i was sure he was feeling better and would be home soon but 4 days before xmas he just left brum and went to stay with his son in lincon without any warning hes never been close to him in fact up untill 2 years ago had not had any contact for 20 years then 2 years ago his son came to our sons wedding then no contact then augast he came to our daughters wedding so as you can imagine i was shocked to find out that he had gone to him for xmas i felt confused and let down and alone all in one moment i rang him to confront him but he was so nasty to me he told me to leave him alone that he no longer loved me and i was a nutter that i needed to move on and leave him alone so i sent him a text message wishing him happy xmas and happy new year and left him alone for 2 weeks nothing no contact whats so ever then i get a text telling me hes never comming back to brum and hes going to live in lincon from now on i was deverstated again i did not see that comming maybe i should have rung him or kept in touch i was so upset i did not know what to do or say 2 days later my daughter rang to say that her dad had been to see her and he was back in brum for the next 4 days he spoke to me by text only but continued to pretened he was still in lincon i eventally told him i knew he was back and wanted to know why he had not told me he said it was none of my buisness the next day he came to see me and slept with me like it had never happened i was in a complete mess after i was elated he was back and glad he still wanted to have sex with me because its such an interment thing to do he must still love me or he would not want to have sex with me he would not be comming to see me he had already called it off and told me he was never comming back so why would he come see me unless he did not mean what he said
i keep telling myself hes confused and hes not well and mybe he just needs more time i just need to wait and see what happens after he has had some counciling maybe he will start to see things better once he gets some help i just need to hang in there i love him so much i keep finding excuses foe him i dont want to be without him i dont want to move on i just want him home i miss him so much