Our son experienced difficulties from the time we moved as a family to another area but the real problems began when he was a teenager as they often do.
He was and is a much loved son with a brother and sister. As a child he was the sunniest of personalities and was unashamedly good looking and we all, rightly or wrongly had huge aspirations for him but kept them to ourselves as he was quite an anxious sensitive person.
We found out later after failed job opportunities and relationships with friends, that his true friend was the bottom of a glass. In the winter he would disappear and sleep for days, usually with a hangover. He was impulsive, abusive and occasionally violent. He managed to get himself a criminal record which steepened his decline.
I supported him through all of this while my husband was seriously ill and my father died. I had no one to talk to and very little support. His brother and sister were younger and disowned him.
We eventually paid for him to rent a room thinking it may do good to get away, make him grow up. It cost us dearly financially for the mess he got into but, he met a girl who he seemed to love and she cared for him and after several years together they got married. We had helped him to learn a trade and he was working in our family business and they bought a house , again with our help.
He came to see us shortly after they were married to tell us his wife was pregnant and wanted me to reassure him they would be ok and although I did, I felt very fearful for the future. We lost two very close family members at this time and the beginning of the recession started to kick in affecting us financially.
While on holiday we didnt hear from any of the family so I rang home and could get no reply. When eventually we did, we heard he had got drunk and tried to kill himself and was in hospital, paralysed. By the time we got home, he was also home but had to learn to walk again and I could sense that obviously his wife was fearful with a baby due shortly.
Although he recovered fairly well physically, his anxiety, depression, drinking and anger were still there and a year later they split and divorced.
Since then he has had numerous relationships which all ended badly due to his insecurities and drinking. I tried for a very long time to keep his relationship going with his son for all our sakes but he was still being abusive to his ex and rightly or wrongly, I think out of frustration she wound him up about access.
The point of this story is that a while ago, he reached rock bottom and now takes a high dose of antidepressant and anxiety medication, does not drink, has had cognitive behaviour therapy and has become a better person who is so sorry for what he has done to everyone he knows. He has a lovely new girlfriend and stepson who thinks the world of him. But I am tortured. I have faith in him. No one else does. I am not a martyr but I am the only person who has been there through everything to help him. I have not seen my grandson for many weeks. My ex DIL took him away on his birthday and would not let us see him at Christmas. My other son who I love dearly, has I have recently found out, had the ex and his nephew at his house 5 mins walk from here several times and not told me, knowing We haven't seen him. On finding this out I managed to get her mobile number to ask if we could see him. I told her I understood why she didn't trust my son and that it would take time for her to have belief in him but all she wanted to do was bring her new partner round and give me a long list of every awful thing he has done. All I want is to see my grandson. I know a lot of the things my son has done while he has been unwell and they don't seem to understand how hard it has been for all of us. None of us can change the past but we can all look to the future. I am thousands of pounds in debt, a physical and nervous wreck with no one to talk to and sometimes I just don't want to be here. Sorry.