Where to start? About me I suppose...

I love peace and quiet. I have untreated type 2 diabetes but I comfort eat which constantly pushes my blood sugars dangerously high. I am very intelligent and complex (apparently from others total inability to understand me), the saying "still waters run deep" sums me up perfectly.

I suffer from a complex from of P.T.S.D. that being a range of close by traumatic incidents during my early childhood which saw me using many coping and avoidance mechanisms. I buried "it" deep, put my head down and got on with life as best as I could, the teachers were always writing in their reports how I should "come out of my shell more".

Every year during school I would be knocked down with the flu or chicken pox, most of the other children it would just pass them by, I now know that the constant stress was severely weakening my immune system and this has been proven in research, in adult life it leads to Chronic Inflammation which has also been shown to be the cause of other diseases, like diabetes.

When I entered adult life I was aware that SOMETHING was different about me, what it was I did not really want to know but I still avoided social situations etc.

This went on for over 15 years as an adult; never going on holidays, not celebrating my birthdays, not learning to drive a car, no relationships, etc. All I knew is that if I kept avoiding and coping as best as I could with my head buried in the sand then bad things would not happen. Ok I was depressed, I started having panic attacks (extreme sweating) and physically my health was failing (Psoriasis and the diabetes).

Then 10 years ago I had a bad experience online (ironically by then I had gone online to try and find the answers to me), the person made me start to have breakdowns and then the memories came flooding back of the childhood sexual abuse incident which of course triggered more flashbacks and breakdowns.

I went to my G.P. and asked for help, after 3 different types of anti-depressants and 6 sessions with a NHS Quack, none of which helped me, I decided to do what I knew best, bury it again.

It did change me as a person though, I vowed to never let myself be a victim again and more importantly to stop hiding behind the mask of lies that everyone else uses. 5 years ago I learnt how to express myself in writing where I could not do so in words. I also learnt so much about what P.T.S.D. was and the effects it had on me, I wrote about this openly in blogs from 5 years ago and this was just the start of many new problems for me of which are still going on to this day.

Instead of never being a victim again I have found I am repeatedly being victimised and persecuted from all sides including the Authorities, but that is another story....