Hi my name is Foxy and this is the story of my relationship with both mental health and my girlfriend
(All names are fictional)
I am approaching 20 years of age and slowly realising that I have spent the last 5 years with diagnosed anxiety and depression. I've always been someone devoted to logical and intelligence, labelled a genius but never understanding what that meant. Never thought I'd write a blog or even share my story but I realised the other day that maybe this will help one person and I hope this helps you, whoever you are, wherever your from.
When I turned 15 I was diagnosed with Anxiety and my girlfriend at the time told me that she knew all along and how I should have listened sooner, following this I was placed with depression, severe depression, suicidal thoughts, attempted suicide... It was a terrible experience that I would never wish on anyone and some memories still haunt me to this moment but what I took away from that is that to live like this needs very special people to support you and maybe one day you'll be needed to support someone else.
The relationship I had when I was 15 ended early last year in the November of 2015, it was not a pleasant experience and we were incredibly volatile towards each other towards the end because I had no drive left after constantly denying I had issues and she had a refusal to accept those issues as medical unless I saw a doctor, I was then manipulated and lied to which led to a self destructive six months that could only be described as a complete loss of time.
Now I'm with a woman I love, her name is Rini and she is a brilliant, strong, beautiful 18 year old who has her own personal issues, she is on medication and has faced body image issues and depression that has led to her being suicidal as well as sexual trauma.
She calls her breakdowns "blips" in these moments she becomes completely unresponsive and before entering a relationship with her we both said "Is this going to work?" and if you ever need to ask yourself this with someone you love then I hope this helps.
We both have our issues, we both have our problems and bad days. The thing is no one is pushing the other to be better, we just accept each other for what we are and who we are. We appreciate the little things like getting out of bed, taking that little pill every day, being tired a lot of the time but still carrying on, facing the crowds of people.
In my mind Rini comes first and for once I don't feel my mind fighting that decision, I've never had more purpose or drive in my entire life other than to give both of us the best chance at happiness I can. I now have two jobs and am comfortable with them 60% of the time, I get up everyday, I don't take drugs anymore, I stopped drinking. It's amazing that someone like me, like us... She changed my life for the better.
The other day I made her pill cards, I write a message on one side and a gift voucher on the other like "tea for a day" so I make her cups of tea all day. Her eyes lit up at that and she hasn't missed a pill since! Or drawing her pictures to remind her I'm thinking of her when working in the tattoo shop.
When I go to deep into my own depression I start talking to myself, my own mind replies and I try to rationalise this afterwards but in the moment it's like being in a different reality... Nothing has ever broken me out of that spiral before apart from time, sometimes days but only ever time. Rini had a blip at the same time and somewhere strength came to me, I don't know where from but it just did and I got up, I took her head in my hands and I told her to look at me, I told her that nothing stops her Foxy and she knows it's true.
I know I'm not superman, I know I'm not normal, I never have been and never will be... But somewhere out there for all the mental health issues you have is someone who will love you and understand you so please to all those reading my story, stay strong and find your Rini. It'll be the best thing to ever happen to you.