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Whaat?Part 2
Posted by shash
4th Feb 2015

So today I was feeling desperately in need of some company and decided to sign up for the "Rent-a-buddy" site. That went well. You have to give a description of yourself so that people can decide if you sound like the sort of person they would want to be friends with. I began quite positively, going on about the jobs I've had and the education I've followed but then started obsessing about whether exaggeration is actually lying (none of the jobs lasted more than a few months and I've yet to finish a degree though I've started 3). I do not like lying and can be excruciatingly honest which is not what people really want no matter what they say.
So after a few attempts to write something upbeat but still honest I gave up (who wants to be friends with a middle-aged fatty with BPD and social phobia? ) and to stop that nasty little vicious voice in my head from sending me into the pit ("you are a waste of space you should just die" etc) I ended up on the computer playing Emperor all day. Way to go Shash no exercise again today and choccy biccies for lunch there is no way you are going to make that sponsored walk in June.
OK self pity is in control gotta stop it turning into self-loathing again. TV is the answer, my best friend and constant companion. How sad is that. I used to have so many friends, do so much, I was a publicist for the local Amnesty International group, helped with fundraising for Greenpeace, was part of the group formulating the education policy for the Scottish Green Party. I have even been published as a writer but have no confidence in my abilities any more so never finish anything.
Oh Boy self-pity really is in control I'm off to watch Supernatural on DVD that always raises a smile.

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