Blog
1st Feb 2015
My name is Brian, I don't show my pic because people judge you on your looks, that is why I feel safer using a pic of my beloved ginger and white cat, he's called Zeus, beautiful isn't he? He doesn't have social phobia, he doesn't have depression, he doesn't even have anxiety but even if he did, he'd still be beautiful.
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So what is social phobia? Putting it simply it's the fear of being around people in any 'social situation' be it at work, at the gym, going shopping, going the pub, simple activities that people without social phobia probably take for granted!
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It's also the fear of being judged, negatively, and fearing that our imperfections will stick out and we will be made fun of and just wanting to stay indoors, lock the front door, close the windows, shut the curtains and hide, hide from people, hide from life.
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I remain single, I feel safer on my own, I am fortunate in that I am self-sufficient and independent, I don't rely on anyone.
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Social phobia is becoming more prevalent as we live in a society that judge people on looks, and if you are different from the norm and stick out, you are an 'outsider' a 'freak' an object to be ridiculed and laughed at. Being different is not acceptable and life becomes even more unbearable.
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You become paranoid, live on your nerves, anxious, scared and your senses become heightened, you fall into many of the cognitive traps and find yourself in a tunnel of dispair with no light to lead you out.
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In my blog I am going to explore what it is like living with social phobia and other mental illnesses, even though in the 21st century, there is still, sadly a big stigma when it comes to mental illness.
http://socialphobiauk.blogspot.co.uk
Your story really touched me. I used to have these feelings also and it kept me trapped for a very long time, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes we need to get a mass influx of positivity so that it really gets through, I found this last year in the last place I'd ever thought I would be which was in the middle of group. I spent a lot of time isolated and isolating myself and that just led to futher reinforcement that the world was a dark and judgmental place to be. I don't believe that people judge always to hurt, sometime they are judging because of their own self dislike which they then push on to others. In my own experience those that are most openly critical are also criticising themselves as harshly as they judge you, they are unhappy. I feel we can let those judgements affects as judgements or we can look at them as being irrelevant to who we are and just someone elses truth. We all have our various perceptions of what the world is, its not right, its not wrong - it just is, at least this is what I feel.
About six years ago I was predominately in the house, felt others were talking about me negatively or staring at me and thinking bad things if I went out. I had issues with eating and also with how I felt about my body and my looks. Eventually I realised that other people don't think their perfect either, have there hang ups, their judgements and insecurities so often perhaps when someone seems critical or negative perhaps its just their own stuff and not a reflection of you? Maybe what you think they are thinking about you is not actually what they have their attention on? If they do criticise, who gives them power, they have no power except that which you give them - this is the lesson I learned.
I also learned to find positive people, people who really valued who I was not what I looked like, not what I could do, not expected certain behaviour for me to fit in and that really helped me move beyond being socially anxious. Perhaps maybe you could run a support group for people who also have social anxiety, I bet those that do suffer would really appreciate a support group in which everyone is feeling as anxious as everyone else?
Yes there is stigma around mental health, but there are many, many, many people fighting against it. You are fighting against it with a blog and there are many other voices here fighting against it. I really felt that my mental illness in the past would be a big barrier against what I wanted to do with my life but I found a little corner of London in which I was able to be accepted and change some professionals in training minds about mental health.
I hope that you find your way in the world and that some day you will be able to let in some more of the positive. I just wanted to put my hat in the ring as a person who strives to be non-judgemental and as someone who knows that our capacity to be non-judgemental is sometimes restrained through lack of knowledge.