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Do You Remember?
Posted by LexieB
23rd Jan 2015

This is a piece (not sure it can be called poetry) I wrote about the bullying I went through at both Primary and Secondary school. Even though I left school in 1996 my experiences have impacted greatly on everything in my life since, low self-esteem, depression, generalised anxiety and social anxiety. It is easy for people to say "But it happened years ago, forget about it." In reality that is not what happens. Many people are still affected for years, or even decades afterwards, as is the case with many who face traumatic life experiences. I don't expect apologies, or even karma for their actions, I just want them to see the damage words and actions can do to a person, no matter how insignificant they may seem. I want closure and the damage done to me undone, but I fear it never will be.

Here is my piece called "Do You Remember?"
Enjoy x

DO YOU REMEMBER?

Do you remember the names you called me? Fat! Ugly! Pig! Loser!
I do.

Do you remember taking all my friends away by inviting them to your games, then turning to me and saying "You can't play." before walking away with my one remaining friend, arms linked?
I do.

Do you remember refusing to allow me to join in with your fun, so I stood alone by the wall watching everyone, hoping to one day be included?
I do.

Do you remember the racist slurs you used because I was the only mixed race child in the school? That one teacher who made it clear she had a problem with my heritage, the peers who mocked my name and colour of my skin.
I do.

Do you remember the physical abuse I endured at your hands when I was six? Sticking drawing pins into my skin, more names, as you made me eat sweets you wiped around the dirty floor, enjoying my fear, a child surrounded by kids from 'the big school.'
I do.

Do you remember during pairs work I always had to be the unwanted one who made up the three because no one wanted to work with the unpopular girl even though she could do the work?
I do.

Do you remember always picking me last for teams in PE because you didn't want the fat girl, the liability on your side.
I do.

Do you remember trying to turn the whole year group against me and laughing as you locked me out of the classroom and made me wait in the pouring rain until the teacher arrived and saw what was going on?
I do.

Do you remember ridiculing me for having periods, another reason to hate me and alienate me?
I do.

Do you remember ditching me as your friend because someone better came along, sending a messenger to tell me to my friendship wasn't wanted anymore?
I do.

Do you remember being the guy I fell for and despite mocking me at every turn I still hoped one day you'd see the real me?
I do

Do you remember plotting with the biggest bully in the school to publicly humiliate me for sending you a Valentines card, my worthlessness for all to enjoy?
I do.

Do you remember preventing me from catching the school bus home by blocking my way, so in the end a teacher had to drive me home?
I do.

Do you remember being the person in the corridor I didn't know, but you still joined in with the cruel jibes?
I do.

Do you remember hassling me all lesson, then when I stood up to you; a first for me, you complained to the teacher who ignored my truth and sided with you. You smirked as I was threatened with being send to the head for 'answering back.'
I do.

Do you remember every time you said my appearance made you feel physically sick? You would rather be dead than be seen near me.
I do.

Do you remember any of this at all?
Does it haunt you like it haunts me?
Have you been left, broken and afraid of everything life has to offer?
Do you worry your children will be treated like me, by someone like you?
Do you regret the things you did?
Or, have you rewritten your history and it wasn't you?
Do you remember?
I still do.

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