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New Day 2015
Posted by AliceRitaK
1st Jan 2015

Today, is New Year's day. 2015.

I haven't made it out today. I have had a cold and chesty cough. Today I'm too scared to go out. I want to hide but there's work to do indoors. I haven't managed it yet, but I have managed to eat. That's a bonus. Trust me.
I haven't gorged either. That's also a bonus, with food it swings both ways.

It's 7.15pm and I'm dressed finally. I just need my socks and shoes. Then I hope to walk my dog. Poor pooch. He didn't go out yesterday. I feel guilty about that. I must must move. But today I am scared.

I have mapped my day in stages. Morning was a wash out. My cough has been bad. It didn't clear until mid afternoon, didn't stop. So I started my day then. Today I am scared and I need now to convince myself that my dog's need is greater than my own and he deserves his walk so I need to move. Maybe the fresh air will do me good too.

I don't know why I'm scared today. No reason really, I just am,. d I want to hand over the reigns to someone just for today. I want to be spoilt, have someone make me tea, ask me if I'm okay, snuggle up and make me feel safe again. But there is no-one. Not at the moment. Not today. It's a bit of a bugger really.

I'm hoping when I wake up tomorrow I will feel more well. I'm hoping very much. Perhaps it's just because I'm feeling unwell that I've let the fear in. I don't like letting him in. He's not good for me.

I feel tired now, so I may need to go and stop writing. My mind feels tired but I feel a little less scared in writing this. This is what depression is like? What anxiety is like? Sometimes I lose perspective and don't know.

I'm going now. I've found my socks. I hope Jack likes his walk. I will be happier once it's done so I can go to bed and sleep. I hope tomorrow I won't wake up scared at all.

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