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working hard
Posted by beddie45
17th Dec 2014

so after changing how i think of my black dog, finding the right drugs, making lifestyle changes, namely drastically cutting down on alcohol, exercising - albeit only walking the dog, taking responsibility for debts, working my hours to suit me, so i have minimum of 4 consecutive days off together.
after re evaluating my 'all'. After ensuring a little time each day to just 'sit & be'. After starting each day, saying, as I wake up 'don't think'.

The black cloud can still descend to make me stutter again. Like today. A physical sensation, of a slow suffocation. Then I think, -' am I tired. am I hungry. is it my hormones??'. I just want to go to bed and hide.

And I revert to 'my glass is half empty', I find I can't stop the thoughts. The niggling black spidery claws loom.

I know it will pass. Have got pretty experienced with it now. But it adds to my pure rage, as to why it happens, especially as I feel I am 'doing all the right things'.

i yearn to find a creative outlet for this, but have found my experiences have stifled me. Stunted my growth.

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