Another day, another doctor
Posted by Caronhw
23rd Nov 2014

Back to hospital tomorrow after my weekend leave, to see Dr Arora. I'm really not sure whether I should give the Bradgate Unit a second chance, or whether to take the private option (which I'm in the very fortunate position of being able to take advantage of). However, going privately will mean being admitted to either Birmingham or Nottingham. It also goes against the grain for me; I've worked the majority of my life for the NHS. Surely when I most need it, I should be able to entrust my care to them. Not everyone has access to private health care and I've always believed our national health service is something to be proud of. It is a sad testament that I am looking at alternatives.
It has been a very strange weekend; I'm not used to my ultra busy brain not working in overdrive! Having said that, the calm I feel is so NICE ! Everytime a doctor has asked me about my levels of anxiety I have denied that I am anxious in any way, shape or form. ( She says, rubbing her hands together, fidgetting with any nearby object whilst avoiding eye contact!) I honestly didn't realise how anxious I was until I experienced this wonderful, drug induced calm. It really is serene. The sadness is still very much there, but the 'busy brain' has slowed right down and I feel....well..... Sad and mellow, instead of sad and discombobulated. ( I love that word!)
I have been giving a lot of thought to my hospital experience of last week and I have decided (in my persuance of honesty) , I am not at all bothered about speaking out and my name being associated with anything to do with my treatment or at times the lack of it! When I'm better I most certainly want to become more vocal about the stigma associated with mental illness. What I find so sad is that the moment you enter the doors of a psychiatric unit, you take on a name tag that states 'loony'. It is as if all mentall illness, without exception, conjures up images from the film 'one flew over the cuckoos nest' and people immediately pigeon hole you. (Pardon the pun) .I can almost forgive 'Joe Bloggs- general public' for thinking this way. That is only the result of archaic thinking and lack of knowledge. What I find astonishing, unforgiveable and a huge concern, is that certain so called ' medical professionals' (NOT all I hasten to add) ,also feel the same way with regards to mental health and their patients .That to me is completely unacceptable and needs addressing urgently.
I'm taking one day at a time. Tomorrow I will go in with an open mind and decide which direction I go from here on in . Wishing you all a happy week, and thankyou, again, for all of your support xxx

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