Living the life I want to live
Posted by BlackDogTribe
19th Nov 2014

In the following guest blog, triber Craig shares with us the lessons he has learnt on his road to recovery from depression, and how the changes he has made have helped him start living the life he wants to live!

In recent times, although life was going remarkably well, there was something holding me back slightly.

The situation was becoming pernicious, and weighed me down, it needed dealing with.

I had to resolve certain issues. The last few months have really strengthened me, and taught me valuable lessons. I am encouraged by my ability to draw positives from bad situations.

Throughout the entire time of recovery from depressive illness, I kept making allowances for someone and giving them the benefit of the doubt.
I was tolerating a certain level of abuse towards me, and that wasn't right. I'd also been approached by this person to lend them a large sum of money; thousands of pounds. I'd felt for a while that the whole situation was toxic and unbalanced. In the past a part of me would tolerate more, put up with this stuff. I'd maybe feel guilty for saying no, or for walking away. Crazy, I know. Those thoughts are long gone. My inner opponent sits quiet. After distancing myself I did not feel guilt, shame or remorse. A weight off my shoulders? Yes. I trusted myself, I trusted my intuition, I acted accordingly.

Sometimes in scenarios, emotion can get the better. Anger can emerge. We can be drawn into arguments and even trash talk. We can feel vitriolic and vengeful. We can feel hard done to. We can feel the blame game. We can beat ourselves up, punish ourselves for being trusting and so stupid for getting into situations. There was none of that, I am pleased to say.

I've remained buoyant. I've a real passion for life like never before. It's important to be your own best friend first and foremost, vitally important.

I feel there's a real congruence in my thoughts, feelings and actions.

I have a real interest in fitness and psychology. My engine is running well and efficiently. I feel there's a great energy around me. Great optimism is within me and a real desire to do well. There's a genuine confidence about me and I'm not overly fearful nor am I overly self critical.

My sense of humour is back. In many ways I hadn't realised how much it had gone. But it had done. But now it is back. The crack's great, I'm really enjoying that side of life.

What I really love is that I'm taking responsibility for me. I'm owning what's mine. I'm present, and that's a powerful realisation.

One of my favourite poems is The Man In The Glass. My man in the glass is extremely proud of me.

I've got my house very much in order, so to speak.

I'm doing my best, life is flourishing, and I am grateful.

When I face painful feelings instead of avoiding them. When I confront fears. When I show up to situations with honesty and intense realism. When I stop letting others control my emotions. When I decide not to be the sum of my experiences, but to learn from them; To choose my own path. When I choose to embrace positive changes and live in the present.....That is when I am free and able to focus all my energies on moving forward, living the life I want to live.

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