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Overthinking less - and becoming comfortable in my own skin
Posted by BlackDogTribe
13th Oct 2014

Triber Moira writes about her own personal 'Eureka!' moment: the realisation that she is more resilient than she first thought. She has grown during her 1.5 years of clinical depression - and can see the change in every part of her life, including on her face. Her accompanying selfies are a visual representation of her emotional recovery.

Hello again. This blog post came to me yesterday after I felt a great learning had taken place after something that ordinarily would have consumed my mind for ages, until I had beaten myself up emotionally so many times I would have felt like a totally worthless wreck!

It was something from my past that had been forced into my future without me knowing. It immediately pulled me off my very new-found path and I found myself rapidly feeling hurt and not good enough.

I walked around for a few days with this buzzing at the back of my mind, wondering: how I should play this one? I had been at this door many times not knowing how to react or handle such a difficult situation.

I thought about all the work I have put in over the last one and a half years while recovering from clinical depression. I thought about my journey and what it has taught me. I thought about my new set of values, which I seem to use as a guide to what feels right for me at times like this; my transition from being silent to finally finding a small voice; my need for safe boundaries to maintain my self-care and wellbeing. I remembered that my resilience has become stronger and I am able to bounce back using self-belief as my trusty friend.

It seemed to highlight some emotional progress for me, and I felt so empowered by not feeling trapped in my own web of negativity and self-pity - probably for the first time ever! I felt different about myself. I had been affected by the events but it had not dented me or lessened me. Maybe this was some kind of growth for me... finally?! It felt like it was!

After some thought, I realised that my usual overthinking of a situation, which would usually almost cripple me with anxiety and anger, had changed. I decided I was going to give things less attention, as they did not warrant it anymore!

I thought I must always remember to give myself the same attention as I give to others; my self-nuture; my self-love. This is something I still find so hard to do and I am very much at the beginning of this new way of thinking. I have to, not only for myself but also for my two young girls, to help them understand and develop their own feelings of self-worth and value.

Selfies: the new me

The photographs in the accompanying image are all taken by myself. I feel that they tell a story of me feeling more comfortable in my own skin. For someone who has never felt body-confident and never really liked looking at a photograph of myself, I am starting to see a different person.

This person is looking for the same things as I was before, but somewhere along the way they became invisble during times of trauma and illness. I still suffer with dreadful osteoarthritus in my joints and, recently, pain in my face and jaw, and I am attending hospital appointments to look into these very soon. But, on the whole, my mental wellbeing is much improved. All the work I have done on myself and all the people I am inspired by have given me some great emotional tools to allow healing and acceptance of my story so far.

I am trying to look for...
truth
goodness
opportunity
unexpected joys
connection
authenticity
love
choice
healthy compromise
self-worth
validation
friendship
positive environments and people.

I am trying to leave behind...

people pleasing
comparing myself with others
judging others
overthinking
overly high expectations
negative thoughts and situations.

I have decided that now is the right time to leave behind blogging about myself and my family. I hope to get more creative with some more collage work in the near future and would love to use the blog to show my work in progress and finished results.

For those of you who have kept up reading my posts, I say a huge thank you! Including those of you who were kind enought to leave lovely comments and to Black Dog Tribe for publishing many of my posts on their website.

Lastly, a massive thank you and hug for those who actually bought one of my collages! It makes my feel so proud to think people are enjoying their collages in their homes as much as I did making them in my home!

Thank you to my wonderful family for supporting me every step of the way and giving me their blessings to write about some very personal family issues and events etc.

Looking foward to some more creative-based posts in the near future! Until next time.

See more from Moira on her blog.

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