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Unconditional Love
Posted by basstubes
12th Oct 2014

These are the wrods I have written since having Mental Health support from the NHS. Prior to this (iam am nearly 59) my thoughts and feelings have remained unspoken. I am beginning to be able to speak more openly about all the circumstance in my life that have lead me to today. There is much more to learn, much more to write, but I am still here and though the battle is hard I hope these words will show that it isn't all bad all the time. For those of you who may take the time to read a little of this my thanks and my best wishes - be safe and may you find peace.


Unconditional Love

She smelled so wholesome and warm
and when I called she’d amble
slowly to meet me
and we’d go into the barn.
He sat on a squared piece of wood
roughly made and patted her encouragingly.
The swashing, intermittent bursts of
warm white milk struck the sides of the enamel pail and
held me in musical rapture.
So simple, so clean, so calm.
The milk still warm
stood cooling in the sink
and then into the pantry.
This was my nourishment from a “beast,”
(that’s what he would call her)
that gave without condition
more than my father ever could.


A Fence Long Gone

I watched him from a distance bring down hard
the hammer on the fencing post, and for
a brief moment there was no sound. As the
hammer lifts to strike again, a wooden
‘THOCK’ resounds in my ears. This pleases me.
Those arms with strength were best used here than on
my infant frame. And though the fence has long
long gone the deepest scars remain.


Slaughtered

With quiet dignity
she ambled up the
ramp into the
cattle truck.
I heard a
lowing moan,
and misty eyed
I walked, slowly, home..


Sometimes when it’s late at night

Sometimes when it’s late at night
The darkest shadows fall
And an ear that listens elsewhere
Will hear you not at all.

Sometimes when it’s late at night
Your heart sends out a call
And gentle slumbering people
Will hear you not at all.

Sometimes when it’s late at night
A heartfelt sad refrain
Is torn from somewhere deep within
'Hold On’ against the pain.

And in the morning sunlight
When brighter shadows fall
An ear that listens elsewhere
Will hear your gentle call.


Sounds of Home

The soft rolled burr of her dialect
Caressed my ears
And countryside sang for a moment
In the clamour of a city,
And gently eased my mind.


No Bloody Grapes

No flowers or chocolate no cards and no grapes,
you’re mentally ill for goodness sake.
‘We don’t give these things to people like you;
it’s nothing at all just a bit of flu.’
And so it goes on alone and ignored,
self doubt and questions, ‘Am I a fraud?’
You’re mentally ill for goodness sake,
no flowers or chocolate and no bloody grapes.


An Improvisation

I was:

I used to be a slave to time
I used to be a slave to rhyme
Then I saw with clearer light
And gave them both a fright..

I said:

No more will I follow you
No more tying down
No more will your rule dictate
The life I lead my final fate
Unabashed and free to run
I ventured out into the sun
Head held high then to self I said
‘No more rhymes ‘til you are dead.’

I looked:

Black on white and made of clay
These words are lies they’ve nought to say
And so with grief this verse begone
Wander in oblivion

I am:

Still the urge to write a rhyme?
Still a slave to iambic time?
Is freedom lost it’s hard to say
A question for a diff’rent day?

So bye for now my faithful crew
‘Cheers’ to all I drink to you
Now it’s time to dim the light
Snuggle down and say....
Goodnight.


Saturday Afternoon Song

When two notes on a keyboard are played as is their part
Just sit and listen closely with an open heart.
And as the song develops and as the music flows
A deeper understanding slowly, gently, grows.

Look closely at a flower, stand and see a tree
Find the wonder at the heart of everything you see.
Gradually unfolding the song will give its name
And onwards evermore more for you, the world will change.


Cuddles

Oxytocin is free okay
And easy to produce.
I am starved in need of it
Send some now, I need a hit 


For You

Colours
In meadows
Moving in waves
Fields full of flowers
On soft summer days
Their perfume an anthem
That made your heart sing
Mem’ries of young love
To you I now bring.


Unjust Words

‘They were just words’ I said
Not meant to cause any pain
And as the tears rolled down my face
‘..just words’ I said, over and over again.


Both Sides Now

wispy clouds
silently
drift to secret destinations
and lightly landing
are welcomed home.
Drained

“A nice phial of that liquor
The purple one I think,
The right side of the green
And underneath the pink.”

“That’s it lad, you’ve got it now
I just don’t want to think,
The purple one’s the best to have
As a calming drink.”

“Now let’s see what should go next
‘The yellow?’ ” good idea.”
‘Careful sir it’s very strong
On that I hope you’re clear’

And so the night goes on
A rainbow tour of drinks
The mornings far away
As further down he sinks.


Vampire of Light

I am a vampire of the light I live
in dark in darkness bright I feed on words
so filled with love my soul quite oft takes flight, and
on its wings it sees, the better part of me.

I am a vampire of the soul I feed
on pain from thoughts that I have hewn, from depths
of deep despair and send them out into
the night to dissipate in dawns bright light.


Triskaidekaphobia

Triskaidekaphobia you make me blush with shame
I wish I did not have a fear with such a lengthy name.
But in a way I’m glad I do, I think you ought be crowned
Oh Triskaidekaphobia I love your heartbeat sound.

(Triskaidekaphobia is fear of the number 13 and avoidance to use it)


The Blood Pressure Machine

Blood pressure taken it seemed rather high,
Pulse rate was racing I wanted to cry,
I felt rather queasy and not very strong,
When on the LED came the words to a song.

You’re missing you’re friends, missing them all,
You’re missing you’re friends, so give them a call,
You’re missing you’re friends, so don’t be shy,
There’ lots of good reasons for you to try.

Now look at your pulse rate there’s no need to cry,
Now look at your BP it’s no longer high,
Remember remember it’s not about wealth,
Talking with your friends is good for your health.
Remember remember it’s not about wealth,
Talk to your friends about mental health.
Talk to your friends don’t refrain,
Nothing to lose and a lot to gain,
Sing to your friends this little refrain,
Nothing to lose and a lot to gain.

If you’re missing you’re friends, missing them all,
If you’re missing you’re friends, then give them a call,
If you’re missing you’re friends then don’t be shy,
There are millions of reasons for you to try.

Blood pressure taken it seemed rather high
Pulse rate was racing I wanted to cry,
I talked with my friends now I’m feeling strong,
All because of this L E D song.

Da De Da DEEEEEEEE.


Cutting

Slowly blood flows from the wound. Lit by the
fire’s glow, his face, a memory showing
love? A fleeting image of a dream? The
knife cuts deep, the memory deeper, there is
no relief.


Intimacy

You will never lie in my bed
And tease me ‘bout something I said
You will never taste me like wine
And your sublime warmth will never be mine.
You will never be in this place
Never to kiss your beautiful face
And the sparks that should light and shine in deep space
Lie here still dormant in this empty place.


A Love Seldom Found

In a far off distant land
The old may sometimes glimpse
Lived a maiden kind and fair
And a handsome noble prince.

They loved and laughed
They journeyed far
And when their time was done
They held their love in warm embrace
And death they calmly faced.

In a far off distant land
The old may sometimes glimpse
He holds her hand forever now
Her noble handsome prince.

sun day

small glints of gold sparkling and igniting
the synaptic sunlight
creating words that
speed ecstatically
down quantum lanes to you
Indifference

Masters of nonchalance
Destroy so much with scant response
A lack of words a withering glance
Can stab the heart
Bleed a soul
‘til death
Itself seems warm.


Pied Piper

Hamlyn town, quiet now
Musical fife, broken vow
Children gone, parents stay
Cunning piper, stolen prey.


Please, Just Pretend

Flood plains with mud bound ground
Water everywhere,
Politicians in welly boots
Pretending that they care.

My ground too lies sodden
With a sightless blood let stare,
Would that someone in fine tan shoes
Had pretended that they care.


Casper Rap

My name is Casper and I’m the dog
Sitting at the top of Michael’s blog
I like to sit here everyday
Watching him think and write away
Sometimes I watch and he’s feelin’ sad
Somehow I know that he’s feelin’ bad
So I wander up and say ‘how do’
This is what I think a good friend should do
So if you have a friend whose feelin’ low
Don’t be shy just say hellooooo
Remember to say this everyday
‘til the black dog is chased away.


Just a Little Rabbit (For my lovely great niece Jade)

I had a bunny rabbit
And called him Harry Pike,
And when my niece espied him
She said that’s Uncle Mike.

So in the early morning
I dressed him in a shirt,
And when my niece espied him
She said that’s Uncle Bert.

So in the ev’ning half light
I put him in a suit
And when my niece espied him
She smiled and said ‘he’s cute’.

This went on for quite some time
And then it all did cease,
And when I went to see him
He looked just like my niece.


Scintillion Light

There are moments which linger suspended
in time, surrounding, enfolding and warm.
These moments are treasures, scintillion light
shining like silver through long sleepless night.


God’s Garden Sale

The grass, the trees, the wind fallen leaves, are
verdure that he really loves. A lamppost
a fence, a focused intent on marking
each with his scent. His nose to the ground
ignoring most sound I wonder what this
search has found? I watch him amazed wagging
his tail as he rummages Gods garden sale.

The grass, the trees, the wind fallen leaves he’s
taught me once more to love. My nose to the
ground, ignoring most sound I know what
Casper has found.


Bombs Away

‘axis of evil,’
or
‘network of death,’
minus a syllable,
bombing the rest?


Love is Letting Go - 1

I think you know what it is to be light
gentle sirocco gives lift to your flight
your arms imitate rare butterfly wings
and you soar as the wind whistle sings.

Watching forever this moment in time
seeing this dance with movement sublime,
I turn away with moist autumn sight;
this time, is your time, to shine in the light.

Love is Letting Go - 2

I think you know what it is to be light
gentle sirocco gives lift to your flight
your arms imitate rare butterfly wings
and you soar as the wind whistle sings.

I think I know what is is to be light
my heartbeat dances in time to your flight
and though I must leave and let you fly free
your dance will ever be heartfelt in me.


Boom and Bust

Live in a bubble,
float in a bubble,
a spectrum of shimmering light.

Live in a bubble,
there’s gonna be trouble,
when this bubble fails to take flight.

Live in a bubble,
a monet’ry bubble ,
and squeeze till it really hurts.

Live in a bubble,
there’s gonna be trouble,
when this braggarts blister bursts.



Salome

Strewn like bracken
Leaden and dead
These seven veils
Won the Baptists head.


Death of a Mobile Phone
or
Ode to a Carrier Pigeon

I'm sad that your loyal pigeon died
So hard it is to state
I'm glad for you so hard it tried
To keep you up to date.

And now it's gone to pigeon bliss
A haven from its grind
Try to smile and recall this
The words it sent were kind.


The Default Man

Perhaps it was a little bright
For TV late at night.
The flowery print in red and white
Was nice but not quite right.

Myself I’d choose a darker hue
Perhaps autumnal brown,
And then a little longer still
A kind of ev’ning gown.

But who am I to send advice
My name is simply Walt,
And you have bucked the current trend
And given up default,

Written in response to an article by Grayson Perry
http://www.newstatesman.com/culture/2014/10/grayson-perry-rise-and-fall-default-man


Migration to a song filled place

Into a room a swallow fell on one late autumn day,
Lost, afraid and ill at ease it shrinks and backs away.

And then a sound an ancient song held it in its sway.
A song that lights an ash filled hearth and re-ignites its flame;
A song that kindles hearts to care with rhythmic drum refrain;
And songs that live in memories are almost sung again.

Into a room a swallow fell on one late autumn day,
And at a slow and steadfast pace, it migrates to a song filled place?


Time?
On an infinite eternal scale
Have we yet but spent a day?
Look and see what has been done
Sing for God .. and shout hurray.

You may not wish to ‘Sing for God’ but please just shout hurray. The world the universe and beyond is nothing less than miraculous.


Maureen and Ted

‘When I come back I’ll get you a treat, wait right here at the top of the street,
don’t walk around just don’t move at all, stay right here by this end garden wall.’
Time is not counted in minutes this day, nervously pacing the hours away.
‘When I come back I’ll get you a treat’
‘She’ll get me a treat, a big bag of sweets.’
The mantra has worked the fear subsides, only to grow on a cold rising tide,
as hobnails on pavement send sparks through his veins,
which strike at the shy heart, then blackness again.
‘When I come back I’ll get you a treat ‘
‘She’ll get me a treat, a big bag of sweets.’
‘When I come back I’ll get you a treat’
A big bag of sweets?’
Tears flow freely stinging his eyes
‘She’ll get me a treat.’
He hears a sound and then tries to smile, knowing not of her adulteress guile.
Sleep eludes him a black hole no light, when closing his eyes in the night.
And so once more his mantra is said, lying not moving afraid in his bed.
When she comes back she’ll get me a treat
She’ll get me a treat, a big bag of sweets.
Now old and weary he sees this small boy, (fearfully waiting, her callous decoy)
standing there at the top of the street, promises broken and no bag of sweets.


Did you send that email?

‘Let’s just ignore him
He’s a bit of a fool
Old and wise
But boring old school.
At some point we’d better
Include him I think
Just not today
He’ll drive me to drink.’

‘Has anyone seen him
Or heard him today
Did you send him that message
By email to say
We’re all going out
Just click on the link
We’re all going out
So come for a drink.’

Old and wise
The boring old fool
Lifts up the knife
His self killing tool.



Left is best

Georgie Best stood out from the rest
A right wing man to the core,
Ironically wearing a red soccer vest
Death has taught him the left wing is best.












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